You have two cows.

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Josh
Posts: 2571
Joined: Tue May 09, 2000 8:00 am
Location: Leeuwarden, Netherlands

You have two cows.

Post by Josh »

(borrowed somewhere from the web)

TWO COWS ~{Matthias Varga}

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
(must be related to Warspite)

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...
User avatar
warspite1
Posts: 41373
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2008 1:06 pm
Location: England

RE: You have two cows.

Post by warspite1 »

ORIGINAL: Josh

(borrowed somewhere from the web)

TWO COWS ~{Matthias Varga}

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
(must be related to Warspite)

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...
warspite1

[:)] You forgot one Josh

A DUTCH FARMER
You have two cows
You are a crazy Dutch B*****!

[:D]
As a wise man once asked:

War - What is it good for?
User avatar
Arjuna
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2003 11:18 am
Location: Canberra, Australia
Contact:

RE: You have two cows.

Post by Arjuna »

The Kiwi line at the end is definitely the best. [:D]
Dave "Arjuna" O'Connor
www.panthergames.com
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Orm
Posts: 22449
Joined: Sat May 03, 2008 7:53 pm
Location: Sweden

RE: You have two cows.

Post by Orm »

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour
Your neighbour eats the cow and now demand to get another cow
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb -- they're often students, for heaven's sake. - Terry Pratchett
User avatar
warspite1
Posts: 41373
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2008 1:06 pm
Location: England

RE: You have two cows.

Post by warspite1 »

ORIGINAL: Arjuna

The Kiwi line at the end is definitely the best. [:D]
warspite1

...except it should be the Welsh [;)]
As a wise man once asked:

War - What is it good for?
User avatar
rodney727
Posts: 1458
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 4:53 pm
Location: Iowa

RE: You have two cows.

Post by rodney727 »

Minnesotaism
You have two cows...
You trade both for a pig.
"I thank God that I was warring on the gridirons of the midwest and not the battlefields of Europe"
Nile Kinnick 1918-1943
t001001001
Posts: 322
Joined: Thu Apr 30, 2009 7:06 pm

RE: You have two cows.

Post by t001001001 »

.
User avatar
Chickenboy
Posts: 24520
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2002 11:30 pm
Location: San Antonio, TX

RE: You have two cows.

Post by Chickenboy »

Iowism:

You have two kahws. You need help figuring out which end of the animal the food goes into.
Image
Zorch
Posts: 7087
Joined: Sun Mar 07, 2010 4:21 pm

RE: You have two cows.

Post by Zorch »

Redneck version:

You have two cows. You can't decide which one to tip over.
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Zap
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Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2004 7:13 am
Location: LAS VEGAS TAKE A CHANCE

RE: You have two cows.

Post by Zap »

Lol. I enjoyed this thread.
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Titanwarrior89
Posts: 3282
Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2003 4:07 pm
Location: arkansas
Contact:

RE: You have two cows.

Post by Titanwarrior89 »

[&o][:D]
"Before Guadalcanal the enemy advanced at his pleasure. After Guadalcanal, he retreated at ours".

"Mama, There's Rabbits in the Garden"
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Missouri_Rebel
Posts: 3062
Joined: Sun Jun 18, 2006 11:12 pm
Location: Southern Missouri

RE: You have two cows.

Post by Missouri_Rebel »

Welfare Queen

You have 2 children and cannot pay for them
Your neighbor works hard milking his cows to feed your family
Milking cows is too much work and you have 2 more children
Your neighbor works harder and takes home less of his milk for his own family
You state 'Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?'
**Those who rob Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul
**A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have-Gerald Ford
gradenko2k
Posts: 930
Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:08 am

RE: You have two cows.

Post by gradenko2k »

http://blogs.lse.ac.uk/politicsandpolicy/archives/29364

You have no cows and have to drink milk from the government dole just to get by, but everyone else who does not have cows almost certainly does not deserve their hand-outs, no sir
User avatar
warspite1
Posts: 41373
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2008 1:06 pm
Location: England

RE: You have two cows.

Post by warspite1 »

ORIGINAL: gradenko_2000

http://blogs.lse.ac.uk/politicsandpolicy/archives/29364

You have no cows and have to drink milk from the government dole just to get by, but everyone else who does not have cows almost certainly does not deserve their hand-outs, no sir
warspite1

Never mind - its political nonsense in what was just a light-hearted thread [8|]
As a wise man once asked:

War - What is it good for?
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Terl
Posts: 601
Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2005 10:47 am
Location: Charleston, WV

RE: You have two cows.

Post by Terl »

Existentialism:

Does it really matter if we have a cow or not have a cow?
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shunwick
Posts: 2426
Joined: Sat Oct 14, 2006 10:20 pm

RE: You have two cows.

Post by shunwick »

Magritteism

This is not a cow.
I love the smell of TOAW in the morning...
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Missouri_Rebel
Posts: 3062
Joined: Sun Jun 18, 2006 11:12 pm
Location: Southern Missouri

RE: You have two cows.

Post by Missouri_Rebel »

Prison-ism

You have 2 cows
You sell one for a carton of cigarettes
The cows join rival prison gangs
Knife fight at 7:00 pm. Steaks at 9:00
Bring your own punch!
**Those who rob Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul
**A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have-Gerald Ford
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rodney727
Posts: 1458
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 4:53 pm
Location: Iowa

RE: You have two cows.

Post by rodney727 »

Lol good one![:)]
ORIGINAL: Chickenboy

Iowism:

You have two kahws. You need help figuring out which end of the animal the food goes into.
"I thank God that I was warring on the gridirons of the midwest and not the battlefields of Europe"
Nile Kinnick 1918-1943
User avatar
rodney727
Posts: 1458
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 4:53 pm
Location: Iowa

RE: You have two cows.

Post by rodney727 »

Lol this is the best one yet!
ORIGINAL: Terl

Existentialism:

Does it really matter if we have a cow or not have a cow?
"I thank God that I was warring on the gridirons of the midwest and not the battlefields of Europe"
Nile Kinnick 1918-1943
User avatar
Gilmer
Posts: 1480
Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2011 5:01 pm
Contact:

RE: You have two cows.

Post by Gilmer »

A Mongol Corporation
You have two cows
You make Kumiss
You get drunk.
You repeat this as often as necessary.
"Venimus, vidimus, Deus vicit" John III Sobieski as he entered Vienna on 9/12/1683. "I came, I saw, God conquered."
He that has a mind to fight, let him fight, for now is the time. - Anacreon
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