Matrix Christmas Party Details

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David Heath
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Joined: Wed Mar 29, 2000 5:00 pm
Location: Staten Island NY

Matrix Christmas Party Details

Post by David Heath »

Hi Everyone

This was sent to me by our Office Manager Liz Stotz and I just found this to funnny. So after I made a few changes I posted it below. For the record this not at real email exchange and truly meant as a light hearted joke, enjoy.


FROM: Liz Stoltz, Office Manager
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 01, 2006
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the
Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And
don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees
can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make
the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only
for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Liz

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Liz Stoltz, Office Manager
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 02, 2006
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,
from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still
celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present.
No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
enjoyment.

Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Liz

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Liz Stoltz, Office Manager
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 03, 2006
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to
handle this?

Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
$10.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Liz Stoltz, Office Manager
To: All Employees
DATE: December 04, 2006
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home
in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?


Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have
to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking
permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will
have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for
those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest
for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be
fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No
Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Liz Stoltz, Office Manager

TO: All Damm Employees

DATE: December 05, 2006

RE: The Damm Holiday Party


Vegetarian idiots I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your damm salad bar, including
organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream
when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream
right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Ava Marie, Acting Office Manager
DATE: December 06, 2006
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Liz Stoltz a speedy recovery
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime,
management has decided to cancel our Holiday Liz and give everyone the
afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!
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Terminus
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RE: Matrix Christmas Party Details

Post by Terminus »

Heh... Sounds like something out of a Dilbert comic...[:D]
We are all dreams of the Giant Space Butterfly.
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robpost3
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RE: Matrix Christmas Party Details

Post by robpost3 »

[:D]
We cancelled this years Christmas party because nobody showed up for last years (except for 4 people) and we reserved a table for 40 at a very nice resturant! Also we called off exchanging gifts last year except for one person who did not get the message-they bought a 12 pack which they drank in the parking lot after dinner. Two years ago we waited to hand out bonuses until the party and we got a full house at that one!-we had it at a great pool hall that catered and we did a lottery present we everyone brings a $20 gift and you pick a number etc...well somebody won a blow up doll and spent the rest of the evening buying it drinks at the bar but the kicker was the doll ended up going home with someone else![8|]...merrychriskwanramachan[;)]
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Les_the_Sarge_9_1
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Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2000 10:00 am

RE: Matrix Christmas Party Details

Post by Les_the_Sarge_9_1 »

God that was funny David hehe
I LIKE that my life bothers them,
Why should I be the only one bothered by it eh.
Procrustes
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RE: Matrix Christmas Party Details

Post by Procrustes »


Are Liz and Patty two different people, or did the pressure cause her personality to fissure?  If it's the latter, does she get paid twice, or just work twice as hard?
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David Heath
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RE: Matrix Christmas Party Details

Post by David Heath »

ORIGINAL: Procrustes


Are Liz and Patty two different people, or did the pressure cause her personality to fissure?  If it's the latter, does she get paid twice, or just work twice as hard?

Opps I missed one... corrected.

David
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Arjuna
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RE: Matrix Christmas Party Details

Post by Arjuna »

[:D] Great stuff.
 
PS Assuming the party was to go ahead, I just want to know if air fares were being provided to all overseas staff members, who the preferred carrier was and whether we could keep our frequent flyer reward and get business class at the same time? And can you please make sure that when Johnny turns up with the limmo that he opens the door for us this time. We'll also require a trolley for the presents - you do realise you get a lot for US$10 here. [;)] 
Dave "Arjuna" O'Connor
www.panthergames.com
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freeboy
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RE: Matrix Christmas Party Details

Post by freeboy »

D U are so funny lol M
"Tanks forward"
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wworld7
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RE: Matrix Christmas Party Details

Post by wworld7 »

Excellent!!!

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ravinhood
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RE: Matrix Christmas Party Details

Post by ravinhood »

That was really good, and the sad fact it's really real. It's no longer Merry Christmas it's "Happy Holidays" and someone is going to be offended for some reason or other religiously or even non-religious. Have they removed "In God we trust" off of money as well? ;) Look on the back of a one dollar bill....I'm wondering when that is next? ;)
WE/I WANT 1:1 or something even 1:2 death animations in the KOIOS PANZER COMMAND SERIES don't forget Erik! ;) and Floating Paratroopers We grew up with Minor, Marginal and Decisive victories why rock the boat with Marginal, Decisive and Legendary?


jvgfanatic
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RE: Matrix Christmas Party Details

Post by jvgfanatic »

ORIGINAL: David Heath

ORIGINAL: Procrustes


Are Liz and Patty two different people, or did the pressure cause her personality to fissure? If it's the latter, does she get paid twice, or just work twice as hard?

Opps I missed one... corrected.

David

Also, in the subject of the last email... ;)
Kuokkanen
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RE: Matrix Christmas Party Details

Post by Kuokkanen »

Does Liz and Ava really work for you?

[edit]
And who's Patty?
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