From here to...well...it SEEMS like an eternity

Post descriptions of your brilliant successes and unfortunate demises.

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BrucePowers
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RE: Ms. Steinham

Post by BrucePowers »

I told you he would not be a prisoner long.[:)]
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rtrapasso
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RE: Ms. Steinham

Post by rtrapasso »

ORIGINAL: BrucePowers

I told you he would not be a prisoner long.[:)]
1 month... not too bad... not sure how this worked in terms of game mechanics, but hey... on with the story!
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Cap Mandrake
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Coastwatcher

Post by Cap Mandrake »

Well..Northern Mindanao crumbled quickly. There are still Japs withering in Southern Mindanao. In fact, there is WHOLE lotta witherin' goin' on.

******New Zealand Command HQ, Auckalnd, New Zealand, August 4, 1943******

Lt. Gen Puttick: <Stands and salutes from a viewing stand as troops of 1st NZ Brigade pass in inspection. A lone bugler plays taps. As the first battalion passes he leans over to his aide.> "Taps", is that really appropriate?

Aide: It's all he knows sir.

Lt. Gen Puttick: Where the Hell is the band?

Aide: Dunedin, sir.

Lt. Gen Puttick: Who sent them there?

Aide: I believe you ordered it, sir.

Lt. Gen Puttick: Well, unorder it then.

Aide: Yes, and the American General? The band was there to keep him occupied.

Lt. Gen Puttick: Good Lord, is he still there?

Aide: Yes, sir. Something about coastwatcher duties.

Lt. Gen Puttick: Coastwatcher? Why he has more to fear from an angry gaggle of Moa than he has from the Japanese at this point. Get hold of Admiral Ghormley and see if we can get him relieved. I want my band back.
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BrucePowers
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RE: Coastwatcher

Post by BrucePowers »

Sounds like a line from the Best Little WhoreHouse in Texas[:D]
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Cap Mandrake
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RE: Coastwatcher

Post by Cap Mandrake »

ORIGINAL: BrucePowers

Sounds like a line from the Best Little WhoreHouse in Texas[:D]

You mean Number 2, in Dunedin, isn't getting "relief" (in the Biblical sense I mean)?

You are wrong. He has Jean.
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Cap Mandrake
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Desperation

Post by Cap Mandrake »

*******Aboard USS George Vancouver, part of a convoy with SWPAC HQ embarked, 60 NM SW of Amboina, August 12, 1943*******


Col. Corleone: ..it's about the reported transports off Balikpapan, Borneo.

Lt. Gen Short: I'm listening.

Col. Corleone: It seems they were attacked off Balikpapan by some RAAF Hudsons this morning. They are all tankers not transports..with no escort, sir.

Lt. Gen Short: Well I'll be damned. They mean to bring oil back to the main islands via...oh Hell...what do you call that body of water North of the Celebes?

Col. Corleone: The Celebes Sea, sir.

Lt. Gen Short: Yeah, that's it. We should stop them.

Col. Corleone: Staff is working on it, sir. We are augmenting our anti-naval assets at Menado and Cagayan.

Lt. Gen Short: Aug..what?

Col. Corleone: Oh, augmenting sir, to increase.

Lt. Gen Short: Then just say "increase", God Damnit! Quit using that damn Dago crap.

Col. Corleone: <A thickly necked sargeant in the corner of the stateroom moves imperceptibly forward...he is waved off by an equally imperceptible shake of the head by the Colonel. This conveys the message, "well deserved, yes, but later perhaps, I'll let you know then you can turn his face into pulp.">

Yes, sir. There is also the question of a surface force.

Lt. Gen Short: Surface force?

Col. Corleone: Ships, sir. we have a capable force at Jolo.

Lt. Gen Short: Then just say ships, Goddamnit. Yes, yes, send them in. That is why we have so many Goddmaned ships.

Col. Corleone: But there is the question of Jap bombers at Macasar.

Lt. Gen Short: Pretend I don't have a map tattoed to my arm, Colonel. Where is that?

Col. Corleone: The Celebes, sir.

Lt. Gen Short: Which one?

Col. Corleone: There is only one, sir.

Lt. Gen Short: Then why did you say "THE" Celebes? Doesn't that mean more than one?

Col. Corleone: Yes sir, normally that is true, sir. It is just the way everyone says it.

Lt. Gen Short: That is STUPID!

Col. Corleone: Yes sir. <the guard again moves forward very slightly and is again waved off>

Lt. Gen Short: I don't want anyone in my command saying "The Celebes", is that clear?

Col. Corleone: Yes sir.

Lt. Gen Short: Good! And let's find some top cover for our ships.

Col. Corleone: Too far from opeational airfields, sir, even for the P-38's. we will need to establish a small airfiled at Tomini.

Lt. Gen Short: Is that in The Cele...err..I mean Celebses too?

Col. Corleone: Yes sir!

Lt. Gen Short: Then do it. Now...how goes the planning for my welcoming ceremony at Jolo?
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BrucePowers
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RE: Coastwatcher

Post by BrucePowers »

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake
ORIGINAL: BrucePowers

Sounds like a line from the Best Little WhoreHouse in Texas[:D]

You mean Number 2, in Dunedin, isn't getting "relief" (in the Biblical sense I mean)?

You are wrong. He has Jean.

As this is a family forum, that was a very discrete statement.[:D]

He could be getting relief.[:)]
For what we are about to receive, may we be truly thankful.

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BrucePowers
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RE: Coastwatcher

Post by BrucePowers »

With these generals how are you winning the war?[:D]
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Cap Mandrake
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Desperation

Post by Cap Mandrake »

******Officer's Mess, USAAF 90th BS(M) Batan, Is., August 14, 1943****

Major Major: <enters excitedly into tent> Hey fellows. Did you hear, we may be redeploying to Menado again. The Japs are apparently going to try to run some tankers through the Celebes Sea. It will be a milk run!

Tall, hirsute USAAF Captain: Goddamnit! Don't say that!

Major Major: Captain, Yossarian, you can't speak to me like that, I am a Major.

Tall, hirsute USAAF Captain: <stands and looks closely at the Major's pasty face> I'm not so sure about that.

Major Major: Captain, you are undermining squadron morale.

Tall, hirsute USAAF Captain: Oh, yeah? Well, you are undermining MY morale, Major.

Major Major: Wait, don't you see what this means, Yossarian?
If the Japs are trying to run fuel tankers past our air bases they must be completely desperate!

Tall, hirsute USAAF Captain: Desperate AND crazy! Fantastic! Now I have millions of desperate AND crazy SOB's trying to kill me.

Young man in fine silk shirt: <stands abruptly> HOLY CRAP! The Major is right! It IS desperate. They MUST be losing faster than I hoped.

Tall, hirsute USAAF Captain: You mean this is going to end? Don't mess with me Milo, you crazy SOB.

Young man in fine silk shirt: No, no Yosarian you slow on the uptake SOB. I am serious. We are less than 500 miles from Okinawa here. Why do you think the Japs hardly contested the landing here? They sent only a few coastal minesweepers on a suicide mission.

Tall, hirsute USAAF Captain: You mean...fuel?

Young man in fine silk shirt: Yes, yes, YES. They are being starved of fuel, Yossarian. Can you imagine what they would pay at this point? I could see it on Ito's face last time I saw him. And I thought he was just lovesick.

Tall, hirsute USAAF Captain: That is fantastic! I can go back to Gilroy?

Young man in fine silk shirt: No, no, it's bad Yossarian. It's bad for M&M Enterprises and you are a stockholder. Scarcity will become scarce. Do you realize how many winterized Quonset huts I have to move? We are going to need a new enemy. Oh dear God, I just remembered, we have a big position in 3 month Bermudan call options on December oil delivery. Can you imagine what will happen when the Dutch East Indies fields come back online? Oy! Think of something, Yossarian. I need to get on the air to D,C & H. <calls as he runs from the mess tent>

MAJOR, YOU ARE A MILITARY GENIUS!

Major Major: Who was that excitable fellow? He shouldn't be in the officer's mess.

Tall, hirsute USAAF Captain: Never saw him before. Some crazy SOB I expect.





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Cap Mandrake
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RE: Coastwatcher

Post by Cap Mandrake »

ORIGINAL: BrucePowers

With these generals how are you winning the war?[:D]

Beats me...good die rolls I guess.
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BrucePowers
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RE: Coastwatcher

Post by BrucePowers »

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake
ORIGINAL: BrucePowers

With these generals how are you winning the war?[:D]

Beats me...good die rolls I guess.

That explains it[:D]
For what we are about to receive, may we be truly thankful.

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BrucePowers
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RE: Coastwatcher

Post by BrucePowers »

So how goes the war, sothern California, the family, the Viking Longboat ceremony etc?[:D]
For what we are about to receive, may we be truly thankful.

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Moondawggie
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RE: Coastwatcher

Post by Moondawggie »


ORIGINAL: BrucePowers

So how goes the war, sothern California, the family, the Viking Longboat ceremony etc?[:D]

I agree: Happy Nueva Ano, Mandrake!


"The Yankees got all the smart ones, and look where it got them."

General George Pickett, the night before Gettysburg
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khyberbill
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RE: The Black Pearl

Post by khyberbill »

I am going for a bed and breakfast gift.

I own a B&B in CT. If she brings someone else I will put her in a tent. If you come too we can play AE and drink singapore slings all night and she can go to the movies with my better half!!
"Its a dog eat dog world Sammy and I am wearing Milkbone underwear" -Norm.
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Moondawggie
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RE: The Black Pearl

Post by Moondawggie »

"Gettin' awfully quiet around here, Milo.

Too quiet, if you ask me..."



...Tall Hirsute USAAC Officer Wearing Bombadier Insignia and Carrying A Well-Worn Copy of "B-25 Crewman's Guide to the Challenge of Global Cooling," Officers Club, Batan Island, August 1943



"The Yankees got all the smart ones, and look where it got them."

General George Pickett, the night before Gettysburg
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Cap Mandrake
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Connections

Post by Cap Mandrake »

******Oval Office, 09:15, August 15, 1943****



I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: <walks briskly into the office to shake the hand of a patrician-looking fellow. Gen. Marshall and Adm. King are also in the room> Mr. President, thank you for meeting me on the matter of great importance for the nation.

Number 2: Yes, of course. I love to show new people the magic bottle.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Magic bottle, sir? <looks quizzically toward the patrician-lookin guy at and then toward the two officers>

Number 2: Yes, this brandy bottle here. Just drink what you will and when you leave the room it will be full again. Just like that song...<starts to sing..sort of>...

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains you never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol come a-trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats and the railroad bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew and of whiskey too
You can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

God, I love the depression songs. This whole place is like Big Rock Candy Mountain.

Gen. Marshall: Mr. President, I wonder if we might get to the reason Mr. Cheatham is here?

Number 2: Sure, George.

Gen. Marshall: It's General Marshall, Mr. President.

Number 2: Sure, whatever. Hey watch this <presses intercom lever> Julio, can you bring us some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches..and some stew too? God I love this place. You should see the secretary. Hootchie mama!

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Yes, very nice, sir, now about the reason for the meeting. You see, sir, my client believes he can negotiate an end to the war in the Pacific.

Number 2: War in the Pacific? when did that happen?

Gen. Marshall: With Japan, sir.

Number 2: Oh, them. I hate the little yellow bastards.

Gen. Marshall: Yes sir. We all do, sir.

Number 2: Besides, I thought you told me we were winning. Why do we have to negotiate with them?

Gen. Marshall: Well sir, it's AE sir. It's coming out soon.

Number 2: AE?

Gen. Marshall: Admiral's Edition, sir. Perhaps Admiral King could explain.

Adm. King: Yes, sir. It's much better, sir. The hexes are only 25 miles. You should see Australia. It's HUGE!

Number 2: I always find maps confusing. How 'bout I leave it up to you guys?

Number 2: Yes sir. It is our strong recommendation to negotiate.

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: Sir, if I may, my client has superb connections to the highest levels of the Japanese war machine. His requests, in acting as interlocutor, are quite limited. If I may? <opens document>

1) The US Army will accept the delivery of 212,513 winterized Quonset huts at the previosuly agreed contract price.

Gen. Marshall: DONE!

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: 2) The Truman Commission will be disbanded.

Gen. Marshall: DONE!

I. Dunn Cheatham, Esq.: 3) A certain Captain Ito of the Imperial Japanese Navy will be granted a full pardon from any prosecution and will be granted citzenship in the United States AND will be given title to a minimum 800 sq foot beachside bungalo on Oahu.....



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Cap Mandrake
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RE: Connections

Post by Cap Mandrake »

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains you never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol come a-trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats and the railroad bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew and AE too
You can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains


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Cap Mandrake
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RE: Connections

Post by Cap Mandrake »

******Officer's "Club", USAAF 90th BS(M) Batan, Is., August 15, 1943****


Young Dutch Lt.: <Approaches a hiruste USAAF Captain> Sir, I understand you are the author of "How To Not Get Killed In The Mitchell B-25". I am a great fan of your work. I am Lt. De Groot, Netherlands East Indies Air Force. <salutes briskly>

Hiruste USAAF Captain: Cut out the saluting, son. You trying to get me killed? The Japs are trying to kill me and if you make me seem important I am pretty sure it will just make them more enthusiastic. The war is almost over and I don't want to do it all over again.

Young Dutch Lt.: Sorry, Captain. May I sit? <an accepting motion is made..though he makes a mental note of his new friend's oddness, he says nothing>

Hiruste USAAF Captain: Chief, give this man a brain freeze! .........................<20 minutes pass>


Hiruste USAAF Captain: ....wait, did you just say she covers her mouth when she laughs? <He sits upright>......


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Cap Mandrake
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RE: Connections

Post by Cap Mandrake »

**********Beach, Northeast tip Batan Is., 01:50, Aug. 16, 1943***********



Japanases naval officer: Ito want Ranai in bungaro.

Man in fine silk slacks: A what?

Japanases naval officer: Ranai!

Man in fine silk slacks: What the Hell is that?

Japanases naval officer: You know, rike....ummm...rike patio.

Man in fine silk slacks: OHHHHH! You want a Lanai. Why didn't you say so?

Japanases naval officer: Ito say Ranai. Miro no listen.

Man in fine silk slacks: OK Ito-san. I'll get you a Ranai, but tell the Emperor he has to tell all of you crazy SOB's to stop fighting. And tell that crazy SOB he is not divine either and he has to follow orders from us.

Japanases naval officer: Ito not crazy. Ito not tell Emperor he not divine.

Man in fine silk slacks: Damn it, Ito-san! I like you, but you crazy SOB's are getting the shit kicked out of you. You couldn't get back to base without the fuel I gave you and I don't think you guys even have kamikazes yet. You got nothin', Ito-san. Tell that crazy SOB Emperor of yours he needs to change his tune or there is no Ranai for you and there is a blinding white light for him. Understood?

Japanases naval officer: Ito understand. Brinding white right.
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Cap Mandrake
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RE: Connections

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******New Zealand Command HQ, Auckland, New Zealand, August 16, 1943******



Lt. Gen Puttick: <a band is playing in the background. It might be a Sousa tune but one cant be sure. The CIC waits for a US Army officer in a dishevled General's uniform>.. General, welcome to New Zealand Command HQ!

Number 2 (the MacArthur one): Thank you General...oh....oh...wait <he begins to pass gas noisily in rhythm with the band> HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA! Get it? HAHAHHAHAAHA! <He walks toward the band making hand motions that look more epileptiform than intentional>

Lt. Gen Puttick: <turns to aide> Who is this ignoramus?

Aide: General MacArthur, sir. He's evidently been missing.

Lt. Gen Puttick: More like lost on purpose. Get him promoted or something. I dont care what you do, just get him out of here. Madre de Dios! And no more cabbage either!
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