Matrix Games Forums

Forums  Register  Login  Photo Gallery  Member List  Search  Calendars  FAQ 

My Profile  Inbox  Address Book  My Subscription  My Forums  Log Out

Grandma knows.

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
Users viewing this topic: none
  Printable Version
All Forums >> [General] >> General Discussion >> Grandma knows. Page: [1]
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Grandma knows. - 7/9/2015 8:13:43 PM   


Posts: 4340
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline
Lawyers should never ask a grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.


If the Earth was flat, cats would of knocked everything off of it long ago.
Post #: 1
RE: Grandma knows. - 7/9/2015 8:15:59 PM   

Posts: 4955
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: Denver
Status: offline
Now THAT'S funny!!

(in reply to Aurelian)
Post #: 2
RE: Grandma knows. - 7/9/2015 8:23:03 PM   

Posts: 3795
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline
Thanks for that I needed a good laugh today!


(in reply to Aurelian)
Post #: 3
RE: Grandma knows. - 7/9/2015 9:22:56 PM   

Posts: 162
Joined: 3/31/2013
From: Northeast Indiana
Status: offline
After the day I have had that was the only thing that made me laugh today. Thanks.



"Those who don't know history are destined to repeat it."
“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
Edmund Burke

(in reply to Zap)
Post #: 4
RE: Grandma knows. - 7/9/2015 11:01:33 PM   
JEB Davis

Posts: 444
Joined: 12/27/2005
From: Michigan, U.T.B.
Status: offline


Reduce SP:WaW slaughter, "Low Carnage":
Settings: 80Spot,80Hit,100R/R,XXXTQ,110TkT,150InfT,180AvSoft,130AvArm,150SOFire / Command & Ctrl ON / AutoRally OFF

(in reply to jday305)
Post #: 5
RE: Grandma knows. - 7/10/2015 3:42:28 AM   

Posts: 45028
Joined: 2/2/2008
From: England
Status: offline


England expects that every man will do his duty. Horatio Nelson October 1805

(in reply to Aurelian)
Post #: 6
RE: Grandma knows. - 7/10/2015 5:22:54 AM   

Posts: 2656
Joined: 2/14/2005
Status: offline
So funny. but so so close to the truth, and the judges comment, using the the American Express's advertisement comment "priceless."

< Message edited by BASB -- 7/10/2015 6:23:40 AM >


Formerly Goodwood

(in reply to warspite1)
Post #: 7
RE: Grandma knows. - 7/10/2015 5:52:56 AM   

Posts: 17785
Joined: 3/31/2003
From: Canberra, Australia
Status: offline


Dave "Arjuna" O'Connor

(in reply to goodwoodrw)
Post #: 8
RE: Grandma knows. - 7/10/2015 12:26:42 PM   

Posts: 5167
Joined: 5/8/2000
From: Jackson Tn
Status: offline


ORIGINAL: Lecivius

Now THAT'S funny!!

Oh hell yeah.


"I hate newspapermen. They come into camp and pick up their camp rumors and print them as facts. I regard them as spies, which, in truth, they are. If I killed them all there would be news from Hell before breakfast."- W.T. Sherman

(in reply to Lecivius)
Post #: 9
RE: Grandma knows. - 7/10/2015 1:11:21 PM   

Posts: 1122
Joined: 2/9/2007
Status: offline
Nice one, Aurelian. Thanks for the laugh.


This war is not about slavery. --Robert E. Lee

(in reply to Aurelian)
Post #: 10
RE: Grandma knows. - 7/10/2015 3:59:12 PM   


Posts: 4340
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline


ORIGINAL: Greybriar

Nice one, Aurelian. Thanks for the laugh.

My pleasure. Laughing is so stress reducing.... :)


If the Earth was flat, cats would of knocked everything off of it long ago.

(in reply to Greybriar)
Post #: 11
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [General] >> General Discussion >> Grandma knows. Page: [1]
Jump to:

New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts

Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition 2.4.5 ANSI