ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake
Haha. Mandarake-san crean up desktop and find thing from 3 Earth years ago. Amazing thing everyone pretty much stirr arive* especiarry because everyone on pranet supposedarry die in 12 years. Onry thing different, everyone rive on same isrand Mistah Churchirr get in big trouburh if use rong pronun.
*******************Mandrake's Foreign Languages in Three Easy Steps (on-line version)************
English to Japanese:
1) Substitute "r" sound for "l", you know, say "rike" instead or "like"
2) Get rid of pronouns. Use nouns It's easy, just say "Mandrake-san" instead of "I" except put in your own name.
3) Pretty much get rid of articles too. This is especially convincing.
4) If you find an "r" sound at the "end" of a word it's more like "ah" instead. For example "officer" becomes "OF-ficah". If you are doing this in person nod your head slightly to confer deference.
5) Forget irregular English plural forms. Just put an "s" on end. "Women" becomes "womans"
6) Instead of "yes" say "HAI!" with emphatic head gesture.
7) Insert extra vowel sounds at the end of some hard consonants. Like this. "HAI! Mandrake-san understand-ah". I think just do this kind of randomly otherwise it sounds fake. It takes some practice.
English to Chinese (Mandarin):
1) Substitute "L" sound for "r" as in "Hully up" or "vely much". This is very confusing to beginners and I'm not sure I understand either considering the invaders of the Japans that displaced the Ainu probably came from China. Just trust me.
2) Try to add some "ey" endings to English words for authenticity, as in, "You like-ey flied lice"
3) Note that pronouns are OK. Don't ask me to explain this either.
4) Walk with really close together steps like you have the runs and you are trying to make the can without an accident.
Try these simple steps and you will gain the admiration of native speakers at every turn. You might even get a job at the UN*
* The publisher makes no warrants in this regard
*Except peopurh that become ancestahs
Mandrake-san forget-ah about rear reason honoraburh ancestors disprace Ainu peopre. Not ah risten in middre schoor.
Orr of China-mans have horribuhr speech defect. Irepairaburh and genetic. Only japan-mans honoraburh ancestors tark normarry. Everybody raugh at future japan-mans.
Emperor grand-grand-...-daddy swear horribuhr revenge-ah and move to Home Isrands.
< Message edited by tarkalak -- 5/8/2019 11:20:13 AM >
I do not know what is scarier: that I do understand nothing of this demonic script or that I am starting to see the demons that it evokes.
Me, studying for a PHD entry exam in Applied Mathematics.