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Time for a Joke - 3/17/2002 10:33:00 AM   
Lokioftheaesir

 

Posts: 548
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From: Oz
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:)


A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner.
The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asks her mother, "Mommy what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?"
The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work."
The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ah, C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud...They're hookers!"
A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks,
"Mommy, do the hooker ladies have any children?"
The mother replies,
"Of course, Dear, where do you think cab drivers come from?"
:)

Loki

_____________________________

Gentile or Jew
O you who turn the wheel and look to windward,
Consider Phlebas, who was once handsome and tall as you.
Post #: 1
Re: Time for a Joke - 3/17/2002 11:01:06 PM   
davewolf

 

Posts: 1840
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From: On world conquest.
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Lokioftheaesir
[B]:) A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner.
The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asks her mother, "Mommy what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?"
The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work."
The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ah, C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud...They're hookers!"
A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks,
"Mommy, do the hooker ladies have any children?"
The mother replies,
"Of course, Dear, where do you think cab drivers come from?"
:)
[/B][/QUOTE]

Loki

:D Good one. Here are some more: [URL]http://www.strategypage.com/humor/default.asp[/URL]

BTW how did you make that 'Sceptic' at the status display? (Very good one too ;) )

BTW 2 you mentioned an episode of Blackadder in which Edmund explains Kitchener how to win the war. Which one was it? I cannot yet find that episode.

Dave

_____________________________

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.

Lord Acton

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 2
Re: Re: Time for a Joke - 3/18/2002 8:09:39 AM   
Lokioftheaesir

 

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"
BTW how did you make that 'Sceptic' at the status display? (Very good one too ;) )

BTW 2 you mentioned an episode of Blackadder in which Edmund explains Kitchener how to win the war. Which one was it? I cannot yet find that episode."

Dave

It's in edit user profile about 4 from bottom of page, 'current user text' i think.

Cant remember the episode it was from. They were in Edmunds' Co's office and he explained that Kitcheners plan to win WW1 was that,,
"Everyone but Kitchener was was to die fighting in the trenches"

Loki

_____________________________

Gentile or Jew
O you who turn the wheel and look to windward,
Consider Phlebas, who was once handsome and tall as you.

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 3
- 3/18/2002 2:36:11 PM   
varjager

 

Posts: 358
Joined: 3/25/2000
From: sweden
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Still Love Blackadder.THat one hell of a good show.

_____________________________


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Post #: 4
Re: Re: Re: Time for a Joke - 3/18/2002 8:09:12 PM   
davewolf

 

Posts: 1840
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From: On world conquest.
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Lokioftheaesir
[B]It's in edit user profile about 4 from bottom of page, 'current user text' i think.

Cant remember the episode it was from. They were in Edmunds' Co's office and he explained that Kitcheners plan to win WW1 was that,,
"Everyone but Kitchener was was to die fighting in the trenches"[/B][/QUOTE]

Loki

Didn't find the mentioned row at the edit profile page. Maybe that row is no longer available.
Anyway thanks, Loki.

Dave :)

_____________________________

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.

Lord Acton

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 5
- 3/18/2002 8:11:17 PM   
davewolf

 

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[QUOTE]Originally posted by varjager
[B]Still Love Blackadder.THat one hell of a good show. [/B][/QUOTE]

Varjager

I'm very proud to say: Welcome to the 'Blackadder Fanatics Club', Varjager! :D

Dave

_____________________________

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.

Lord Acton

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 6
Re: Re: Re: Re: Time for a Joke - 3/18/2002 8:26:52 PM   
Lokioftheaesir

 

Posts: 548
Joined: 3/26/2001
From: Oz
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by davewolf
[B]

Loki

Didn't find the mentioned row at the edit profile page. Maybe that row is no longer available.
Anyway thanks, Loki.

Dave :) [/B][/QUOTE]

Dave

Goto 'User Control Panel', then 'edit profile' and 5th from the bottom is 'custom user text'

Loki

PS. I stole the US Eagle as my Avatar for the moment while i make one of my own.

_____________________________

Gentile or Jew
O you who turn the wheel and look to windward,
Consider Phlebas, who was once handsome and tall as you.

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 7
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Time for a Joke - 3/18/2002 8:55:47 PM   
davewolf

 

Posts: 1840
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From: On world conquest.
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Lokioftheaesir
[B]Goto 'User Control Panel', then 'edit profile' and 5th from the bottom is 'custom user text'[/B][/QUOTE]

Loki

Matrix recruits can't do that. I had to become a trooper (by posting dozens of irrelevant replies :D ). Thanks anyway.

Dave

_____________________________

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.

Lord Acton

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 8
Marriage - 3/26/2002 7:10:37 AM   
Rundstedt

 

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Did you know that marriage is like a tornado?

First there's a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house! :D :rolleyes:



Regards, Rundstedt (OB WEST)

_____________________________

"We never underestimated the Red Army, contrary to the general conception. The last German military attaché in Moscow, General Köstring - a very competent man - had kept us well-informed about the condition of the Red Army. But Hitler refused to believe h

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Post #: 9
Soft but not light - 3/26/2002 2:40:43 PM   
davewolf

 

Posts: 1840
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From: On world conquest.
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When the kidnapper called the blind woman, he told her that she’d never see her son again...

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Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.

Lord Acton

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Post #: 10
Re: Soft but not light - 3/26/2002 7:17:06 PM   
Rundstedt

 

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From: Sweden
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by davewolf
[B]When the kidnapper called the blind woman, he told her that she’d never see her son again... [/B][/QUOTE]


Now that was really a bad one...:D




Do you know why Hitler committed suicide?
- He received the gas bill! :D

Perhaps a little insensible... ;)



Regards, von Rundstedt (OB WEST)

_____________________________

"We never underestimated the Red Army, contrary to the general conception. The last German military attaché in Moscow, General Köstring - a very competent man - had kept us well-informed about the condition of the Red Army. But Hitler refused to believe h

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 11
Re: Re: Soft but not light - 3/26/2002 10:05:41 PM   
davewolf

 

Posts: 1840
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From: On world conquest.
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Talking about being insensible:

What had Boris Becker and Lady Di in common?

They both hit with a speed of 200km/h...

:D

Better one, Herr GFM?

:)

_____________________________

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men.

Lord Acton

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 12
Jawohl! - 3/26/2002 10:11:08 PM   
Rundstedt

 

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From: Sweden
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Much better, and insensible... :D

How about this one then?

Do you know what the fastest vehicle during WW2 was?
-A Jew on a bike going through Berlin!

LOL! LOL!
:D :D :D


Regards, von Rundstedt (OB WEST)

_____________________________

"We never underestimated the Red Army, contrary to the general conception. The last German military attaché in Moscow, General Köstring - a very competent man - had kept us well-informed about the condition of the Red Army. But Hitler refused to believe h

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 13
Autsch!!! - 3/26/2002 10:17:21 PM   
davewolf

 

Posts: 1840
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From: On world conquest.
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Certainly I won't reach that level of insensibility! :)

So I don't even try. Just an old Landser joke:

How was the retreat from Russia called?

Napoleon memory race...

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 14
One more tennis related joke - 3/26/2002 10:25:34 PM   
davewolf

 

Posts: 1840
Joined: 2/14/2002
From: On world conquest.
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I love that game. So...


...Where is tennis mentioned in the Bible?


Where Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

:D

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 15
LOL! - 3/26/2002 10:51:42 PM   
Rundstedt

 

Posts: 149
Joined: 7/23/2001
From: Sweden
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The only joke involving the Bible is,

The doctor says: Alcohol is your enemy
Jesus says: Love your enemy

LOL! LOL!

And we have this one too (nothing biblical),

The doctor to his patient: I have some good news and some bad news.
The patient: I want to hear the good news first.
The doctor: You only have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What?! What the hell can be worse than that?
Doctor: Well... I tried to call you yesterday.

:D :D :D


Regards, von Rundstedt (OB WEST)

_____________________________

"We never underestimated the Red Army, contrary to the general conception. The last German military attaché in Moscow, General Köstring - a very competent man - had kept us well-informed about the condition of the Red Army. But Hitler refused to believe h

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 16
Sports and women - 3/26/2002 11:00:18 PM   
davewolf

 

Posts: 1840
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From: On world conquest.
Status: offline
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?


So they don't get mistaken for feminists.

:D

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 17
Re: Sports and women - 3/27/2002 12:25:17 AM   
Rundstedt

 

Posts: 149
Joined: 7/23/2001
From: Sweden
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by davewolf
[B]Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?


So they don't get mistaken for feminists.

:D [/B][/QUOTE]


Now that's a good one! ;)

I'm all out of good jokes for the moment...
So I might as well do a bad one instead! LOL!

The big chimney to the smaller chimney:
"You're too young to smoke". :D


Regards, von Rundstedt (OB WEST)

_____________________________

"We never underestimated the Red Army, contrary to the general conception. The last German military attaché in Moscow, General Köstring - a very competent man - had kept us well-informed about the condition of the Red Army. But Hitler refused to believe h

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 18
Bad jokes - 3/28/2002 2:42:47 AM   
davewolf

 

Posts: 1840
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From: On world conquest.
Status: offline
You want bad jokes? Eat this:

There were 99 people on a boat, and then it turned over. How many were left?


66.

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 19
Re: Bad jokes - 3/28/2002 4:43:45 AM   
Rundstedt

 

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Joined: 7/23/2001
From: Sweden
Status: offline
[QUOTE]Originally posted by davewolf
[B]You want bad jokes? Eat this:

There were 99 people on a boat, and then it turned over. How many were left?


66. [/B][/QUOTE]


Yes, that was extremely poor humour... ;)


Do you know why some people don't close the door when they are in their bathrooms??
-Because they don't want anyone peeking through the key hole!

Was that a bad joke or what?


Regards, von Rundstedt (OB WEST)

_____________________________

"We never underestimated the Red Army, contrary to the general conception. The last German military attaché in Moscow, General Köstring - a very competent man - had kept us well-informed about the condition of the Red Army. But Hitler refused to believe h

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 20
- 3/28/2002 5:26:45 AM   
Possum

 

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From: Adelaide, SA, Australia
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Joke my young nephew told me recently.

"Uncle Paul, what do you get if you cross the Atlantic ocean with the Titanic?"



"About Halfway!":D

_____________________________

"We're having a war, and we want you to come!"
So the pig began to whistle and to pound on a drum.
"We'll give you a gun, and we'll give you a hat!"
And the pig began to whistle when they told the piggies that.

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 21
- 3/28/2002 8:00:46 AM   
tanjman


Posts: 717
Joined: 1/26/2002
From: Griffin, GA
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Bad Joke # 1

Timmy: Mommy! Mommy! I need to to go pee!

Mother: Let me finish talking with your grandmother and I'll take you to the bathroom.

Timmy: Can grandma take me?

Mother: Why?

Timmy: Her hand shakes.

Bad Joke # 2

At dusk two hikers are trying to figure out how to cross a stream without getting wet when another hiker comes along with a flashlight and asks them what they're doing. After being told he tells them "I know how you can get across. I'll shine my flashlight across the stream and you two can walk across on the beam." The tow hikers looked at each other in amazement. Then one said "Do you think we're stupid? We'll get half way across and then you'll turn off your flashlight!"

_____________________________

Gunner's Mate: A Boatswain's Mate with a hunting license.

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 22
- 3/28/2002 3:34:48 PM   
Ed Cogburn

 

Posts: 1979
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From: Greeneville, Tennessee - GO VOLS!
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by tanjman
[B]Bad Joke # 2

At dusk two hikers are trying to figure out how to cross a stream without getting wet when another hiker comes along with a flashlight and asks them what they're doing. After being told he tells them "I know how you can get across. I'll shine my flashlight across the stream and you two can walk across on the beam." The tow hikers looked at each other in amazement. Then one said "Do you think we're stupid? We'll get half way across and then you'll turn off your flashlight!" [/B][/QUOTE]



:) :)


You guys have gone way beyond just "bad" now. :D

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 23
Maps - 3/28/2002 8:15:19 PM   
Rundstedt

 

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From: Sweden
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I agree... :D


OK, but here's another one:

What's the worst kind of map in a desert?
-Sandpaper!

LOL!:D



Regards, von Rundstedt (OB WEST)

_____________________________

"We never underestimated the Red Army, contrary to the general conception. The last German military attaché in Moscow, General Köstring - a very competent man - had kept us well-informed about the condition of the Red Army. But Hitler refused to believe h

(in reply to Lokioftheaesir)
Post #: 24
Ooops - 4/6/2002 5:58:42 AM   
davewolf

 

Posts: 1840
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From: On world conquest.
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[URL]http://www.time.com/time/cartoons/20020405/7.html[/URL]

:)

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Post #: 25
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