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Scientists discover undetectable matter

 
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Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/22/2007 10:49:33 PM   
robpost3


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Scientists Discover Undetectable Matter
LOS ALAMOS, NM - In a dramatic announcement, scientists revealed the discovery of huge amounts of undetectable matter in the universe. "This discovery is a key element in explaining the nature of the Cosmos" says Ravi Skywalker, lead cosmologist of The Missing Matter Project. This undetectable matter apparently accounts for a majority of the mass in the universe, and its discovery confirms long held theories of the universe's expansion. "For a long time our theories depended on there being huge amounts of matter in the universe that we have not yet detected" explains Skywalker. "The fact that this matter is undetectable fits our theories quite well."

The theory holds that previous theories considered space 'too empty' and that no new theories could be advanced unless space was significantly fuller. This 'full universe' line of thinking leaves some scientists skeptical. "We're approaching a brink where we might have to redefine what space really is." says Gordon Highbrow, professor of Cosmological Philosophy at Howyflyl University. "I mean, space is space, it's between things. If there's all this stuff out there, it's not really space anymore, is it?"

"The nature of the undetectable matter isn't important." replies Skywalkler. "It's just important that we now know it exists, and it needs to be studied." Skywalker and his team plan to ask for $1 billion in funding for research on the undetectable matter and the advancement of the new theories now available to them.

The scientists declined to discuss details of solving the seemingly insurmountable problem of detecting undetectable matter, citing the subject matter as 'too technical'. A full report - expected late next year after the funding approval - promises to provide more detail than can be deciphered.






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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/22/2007 11:23:08 PM   
anarchyintheuk

 

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Sounds like The Onion.

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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/23/2007 1:13:01 AM   
CJMello63


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Dark energy?

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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/23/2007 1:20:46 AM   
Maiq

 

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This is a joke right?

If it's undetectable how did they detect it?

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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/23/2007 1:51:21 AM   
CJMello63


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They had an undetectable scanner with zoom.

Onion knockoff

http://www.dailyredundancy.com/departments/sciencehome.html


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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/23/2007 3:48:00 AM   
ilovestrategy


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Theyr'e going to ask for a billion bucks? Good luck!

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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/23/2007 4:23:08 AM   
Monadman


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quote:

ORIGINAL: robpost3

Scientists Discover Undetectable Matter


ROTFLMFAO – That was painfully good!

Richard




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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/23/2007 7:25:49 AM   
Neilster


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The names Skywalker and Highbrow were a bit of a give-away.

Cheers, Neilster

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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/23/2007 1:54:22 PM   
Kuokkanen

 

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Fun part is that kind of matter is theorized to exists. It's called dark matter and it's been mentioned in number of science documents. Theory is that of all existing matter in the universe, dark matter's part is 95%

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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/23/2007 2:48:24 PM   
Neilster


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Yeah and that's what's so good about The Onion. The writers are very well informed, they do their research and they're bloody funny.

One of my favourites (among many); the headline from 1975, "Everybody Kung Fu fighting"

Cheers, Neilster

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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/25/2007 4:49:16 PM   
mlees


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Reminds me of the joke "How do you detect a stealth bomber? Look for a dude hanging in the air in the seated position."

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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/26/2007 5:28:31 AM   
General Quarters

 

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Does anybody remember old Wonder Woman comics, with her flying around in her invisible plane?

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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/26/2007 6:40:38 PM   
HansBolter


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For an interesting alternative to the "invent new matter to make our insane theories work" approach to so called "mainstream" cosmology try googling the phrase "Electric Sky"!

As the "resident cosmologist" of my local astronomy club I already have people clamoring for me to give a presentation to the club on the theories outlined in the book The Electric Sky. People are becoming almost desperate for an alternative to the idiocy being constantly proposed by the mainstream cosmologists of Big Science.

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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/26/2007 7:23:31 PM   
robpost3


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Elctric Sky
quote:

A book that challenges the existing Big Bang and "Gravity Only" paradigm of prevailing cosmology.

HansBolter:
I cannot get a clean link, do you have one?


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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/27/2007 1:35:25 PM   
HansBolter


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quote:

ORIGINAL: robpost3

Elctric Sky
quote:

A book that challenges the existing Big Bang and "Gravity Only" paradigm of prevailing cosmology.

HansBolter:
I cannot get a clean link, do you have one?



The main site seems to be down. Here is a link to it through the publisher's site:

http://www.mikamar.biz/book-info/tes-a.htm

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RE: Scientists discover undetectable matter - 6/27/2007 3:36:40 PM   
robpost3


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Thanks HansBolter, looks interesting. On my to get list!

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The Yankee Motto:
Use it up,
Wear it out,
Make do,
Or do without.
"God Help us, and God, come yourself.
Don't send Jesus, this is no place for children."



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Post #: 16
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