This is how I appoint myself Commander of the Empire for a PBEM game that takes longer to play than to fight. Oh, those manpower issue’s where’s my staff, hello, helllooo, anyone….
December 6, 1941
From: IMPERIAL MINISTRY OF INFORMATION
Subject: Imperial Appointment
The Imperial Ministry of Information has realeased a statement announcing the appointment of
Mr. YamagadaInAgadaDaVida to Fleet Commander. This largely ceremonial and unpaid post has been created to coordinate all economic research, development and transportation within the lands of the Rising Sun. To date this distinguished citizen has lived much as Peter the Great spent his early years. He has worked as a common laborer, facing racial bigotry and western bias, even though he’s 5’ 6” and has 20/20 vision. His work was under-appreciated and though he never sought, he certainly never received recognition for his contributions to aviation design. His accusations of ineptitude within the company where proven correct when the sole prototype ran out of fuel. Despite being outcast for his strong conviction he found good company with such men as Mr. Hughes and Mr. Lindbergh: Aviation visionaries, one from the future, one from the past.
We welcome his return from his foreign tour and look forward to his tireless efforts. Already his efforts at Rock and Roll recruitment have greatly energized our youth and we look forward to future collaboration with Mr. Hughes and his aviation ventures using reinforced timber structures.
In Los Angeles, a Mr. Kelly Johnson, a regarded plane designer, is reading the newspaper over drinks at his VIP club.
“Hey, this is the guy we had to let go isn’t it?”
Company Accountant “Ya he was the guy who made all those mistakes on the blueprints, and we had to make thousands of changes after the prototype crashed”
Company Accountant: “Foreign labor is so bad, Norden hired all those German refugee’s and the problems in productivity and quality control are awful. They would do better with a bunch of housewives. Ha Ha”
Kelly: “But we won the speed record and Yam’s idea of putting pontoons on it to make a float fighter, almost worked, we would have won the naval speed record too. Pity we wasted all that time trying to get floats that could handle a high speed dive. “
Company Accountant: “We spent more hours on those floats than on radiator designs”
Army Test Pilot: “But all that time working on those hard points saved a lot of time designing bomb racks”
Kelly “ That’s right, and Yam was the guy who said we should have really big air intakes on the 38,
A good idea after we moved them to the areas of still air, what a jump in speed. He was also the guy who hated test pilots, he kept trying to get them to go faster in the dives, and now he is going to head their economic research. Let’s see how he handles his ‘compressabirity’ problems. Ha Ha. Bartender why don’t you compress a little more Gosling’s on this Mai Tai”
Company Accountant ” Ya, he said ‘frush rivets not wurf cost’, I always thought he was a smart guy”
Kelly: ”Well, if he’s in charge they are going to have 1920’s airforce, after he left us he went to Vegas
And hung out at all the Rock clubs with Lindbergh, a real relic of the past. “
Army Test Pilot: “ Ya, Lindbergh what does he know about modern planes, he’d be lost in the cockpit of a 38, first takeoff he’d be upside down in the ditch, Ha Ha.”
Army Test Pilot: “Kelly, the Japs lost one pilot in flight testing to compressability and now Yam. is in charge. When we were testing he kept ignoring the controls freeze up message, I wonder how he is going to handle that in a one engine plane and aluminum skin mm’s thick?”
Kelly “You know he used to have drinks with that Willi Mess, whatever guy, that worked over at Allison. They used to get into over radial or water cooled engines.”
Army Test Pilot “And Willi always said ‘Radial engine like pushing cow sideways through wind’,
I didn’t get it either. “
Kelly:” I thought that’s what he said the 38 looked like, a cow with tail fins on its legs pushing through the wind.”
Kelly: Thinking to himself 'No, That was that guy Tank, funny name for a german plane designer, why not Panzer, must be a spy for the English’
Army Test Pilot: “Ya, he used to say ‘one burret in radiator and you have bad day, Germany will have to make many 109, better make engine easy to reach and maintain, Ha Ha’.
Company Accountant “Ha Ha upside down engines, not worth the cost, use a ladder, Ha Ha”
Kelly: “ You know the Brits bought a bunch of those P 51’s with the Allison and they know what they are doing.”
Army Test Pilot: “Ya, and the Ruskies are doing well with the P39, all their combat is below 5k, so why would you want the extra maintenance required on a SuperCharger? I mean on a single engine of course.”
Company Accountant: Thinking to himself and smiling ‘So glad we did’t put oxygen in those planes, the re-design costs, the maint., what a headache, and you just know those pilots drink more the night before because they know they are getting O2 the next day.’
Company Accountant: “Bartender, hey you’re Hawaiian aren’t you, ya I always wanted to see Hawaii,
Oh well, another 9 -5 day tomorrow, I wonder if we can save money on fuel tanks, all that rubber from one area of the world, easily embargoed.
I’m a genius, and the weight savings, he’ll love the gain in speed, I’ll talk to Kelly tomorrow…