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The Ultimate Question?

 
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The Ultimate Question? - 11/9/2011 3:54:36 AM   
Gelatinous Cube


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Joined: 10/26/2011
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Can Poland Into Space!?

We're certainly going to find out! On a Standard Varied Clusters Map, with 12 randomly generated opponents, and all other settings normal, the Feudal Kingdom of Poland will strive for dominance!

For those unfamiliar with the meme, the idea is that throughout the history of historical strategy, from Panzer General to Hearts of Iron III, Poland just gets whollopped all the time. And then, someone on the Paradox forum (who is either unknown or fictional) said the magic words. "Can Poland Into Space!?" It's been a meme ever since, and it's even an achievement in Europa Universalis III. You have to turn Poland from a backwards eastern european kingdom to an ahistorically overpowered behemoth in order to get that one. But in Europa Universalis III, you can't go into space. In fact, Muskets are the limit of technology, really.

Well, not anymore! Thanks to quite possibly one of the best space strategy games of all time, we can see what happens when Poland into space!

But how could Poland wind up in Space, Gelatinous Cube? That's silly. You're stupid.

Okay, first of all.. watch the name calling. That hurts. Secondly we all know that in the DW universe there was a catyclysm of some sort in the past. In this instance we'll assume that a long, long, long time ago (but still realy, really far in the future) the people of Poland invented a time machine, went back in time to September 1939, and snatched up all the Polish people before the combined forces of the USSR and Nazi Germany could crush it to bits.

The first consequence of this was that the Russians and the Germans were incredibly confused, and a huge pitched battle was fought where the two armies converged in the center of empty Poland. Both sides were convinced that the other side had to be the huge Polish Army that they had so far failed to encounter. This accelerated the war by a considerable amount, and both sides exhausted eachother very quickly, allowing for a decisive French conquest of Germany and Russia. I know, this sounds silly, but they've wanted to do it for a long time. Just ask any Frenchie.

But that's irrelevant, because the second consequence of this was that the Polish people next found themselves on the lookout for a new planet to live on. They found a nice one, and named it "Efloo" after a sneeze that was very famous for reasons we won't get in to. On this planet, the Polish people had no Natural Predators. The lack of Russians and Western Europeans was particularly swell for the Poles, those being their chief natural predators.

And now, untold GIGANTIC ARBITRARY LENGTHS OF TIME later... The Poles only recall that Efloo is their homeworld, and that it's pretty sweet to be Polish. They're technologically advanced by our standards, but by the standards of the galaxy they are backwards. Having literally no strife or hardship to worry about since arriving at Efloo, they have adopted a government especially suited to creating some extra Strife and Hardship: Fuedalism. They are ruled by the King of Poland, a title similar to the Holy Roman Emperor of Medieval Europe. The King is elected by all the landed Nobles of a certain rank on the planet of Efloo. Minor territorial scuffles are common, but outright civil war or outright war of any kind is unheard of.

How will the future fare for these Space Poles? Will they successfully into SPACE!?

Stay Tuned..



< Message edited by Gelatinous Cube -- 11/9/2011 3:55:22 AM >
Post #: 1
RE: The Ultimate Question? - 11/9/2011 5:21:17 AM   
Gelatinous Cube


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On the Paradise-like Planet of Efloo, in the Polish Year of 2755 (although they may have been on Efloo for much longer), the High King of Poland sat in council. It is a tedious process, sitting in council as the High King of Poland. First of all is the fact that you're not really the guy in charge. The High King of Poland doesn't have any more land, or any more money than the rest of the Low Kings, Barons, Dukes, Counts, and so on and so forth. All he has is increased responsibility. In fact, you could even compare it to jury duty if you want. That analogy would probably make a lot of sense to the current High King of Poland, a fellow named Cid Snidwlasinskiwlas. Just called High King Cid, for short. Or, just King Cid. Or Cid. Whatever. Nobody's all that formal about it anyway.

But there's a reason nobody was all that formal about it. You see, the planet Efloo is over-crowded. For at least 2755 years, and probably much longer, the Polish people had been living the good life on Efloo. Everything from the flora, to the fauna, to the weather is just perfect. Nothing really tries to kill you very hard, as opposed to Earth which is still finding new ways to kill people. So while the Polish people had managed to keep their pride, and their tradition, there was still an unescapable attitude of "Eh, who cares?" But now, with overpopulation and pollution starting to become a factor, the strictly conservative government had been forced to think of solutions to the problems assailing it's people.




And now, we understand why King Cid was having a rough day. Because when you say "the government must come up with a solution," then that means the people complain to their local Lord, who complains to his lord, who complains to his, and so on until finally the High Council of Low Kings is Complaining to the Low Council of the High King, and a fellow who didn't want the job in the first place is forced to make a difficult decision.

High King Cid wasn't a dumb man. And like all not-dumb-world-leaders he knew the secret to success when it came to local unrest: Focus the blame elsewhere! But where do you focus the blame, when you're the the absolute top of the food chain? There's no other countries or nations on Efloo.. there's no Religious contention to speak of.. there's no other political party to blame.. sounds tough, right? But what about Space!? Certainly it was the only option left the Polish people. They must channel their discontent into Space, for the good of all! Not to say this is what the King said, of course. It was certainly more along the lines of a great Patriotic movement, where the mighty Polish people shall spread their wings and soar into the future of Space! Or whatever. The point is that overpopulation is best fixed by finding somewhere else to live. Fair? Yes? Okay, let's continue.

King Cid was, first and foremost, a duly elected Disgruntlcrat (a technical term for someone forced into a position beyond their capabilities). He loves his land, and loves his people, yes.. but he also likes Chicken Wings, Reality Holo-vision, six-hour Jaccuzi Sessions, and so forth. Suffice it to say, not a man of action by nature. And this has always been the case with the Polish people on Efloo. The idea being that if you can foist all the hard decisions onto someone who doesn't want the job and won't benefit from it unless he does a good job according to the peers ("good" High Kings often retire with twice the holdings they had going in to the job; "bad" ones usually fade into obscurity quickly--terms for a High King are 'only' about ten years, depending on the council of Low Kings) then said person is unlikely to try and take over and cause trouble, and more likely to just shut up and do his job. So far, it's been a good system. Inefficient, slow, and reactionary, yet also stable and pleasant for all walks of life. The poor have little room for advancement, but at the same time they are often well taken care of by their immediate leige. Being a strictly feudal society, the Kingdom of Poland is divided into untold numerous social castes, based on lineage, money, education, and many other factors. At the very bottom you have the commoners, and their immediate superiors the low nobles--like Counts, and other minor lords. In the middle you have everything from rich Merchants to powerful Dukes. At the top you have the twelve wealthiest Lords (no common-blood Merchant families) who form a sort of High Court of the Realm. This High Court is charged with maintaining the status quo, settling large disputes, taxation, and countless other tasks. The High Concil members rule for life or until adbication, and can only be removed unwillingly by a unanimous vote from the rest of the Council. This leads to loads of self-serving law-making and corruption, but nothing that actually lowers the quality of living for anybody else. The High King, of course, is responsible for all major policy decisions. Sound pretty vague? It's supposed to. The High King's job is basically to do whatever the High Council tells him to do, and take the public blame for it if it doesn't work. He can take initiative if he wants, but most don't do anything the High Council wouldn't want them to do, as the High Council can call a High King's term to end whenever they want.

Sound incredibly obtuse? It's supposed to.


So back to King Cid's Space Program. The Poles of Efloo have never had a major war amongst themselves. But there is certainly a legend in ancient Polish oral history that speaks of evil demon-monsters called "Germans" from the twenty-third dimension of hell, which was called "Earth." Everyone's familiar with those tales. Indeed despite a lack of conflict in Polish society for the last several thousand years at least, they are still pretty paranoid about being attacked. The notion just bothers them. So when you start talking about poking around in the depths of space, you have to talk defense first. King Cid surely wouldn't want to be remembers as the King that accidentally brought some kind of German-like Alien down on Poland unprepared! And so the first order of business was research. In Polish society, being a Scientist is pretty posh. You get all the girls, lots of money, and plenty of fame. Problem is, the copywrite laws on Efloo are awful, so you might hit it big once and then never see another dime for your invention! Despite constant pleas from all sectors of society to enforce copywrite laws, the High Council have never given the issue much thought. After all, if your a Lord and you need money, you just tax the people below you a little higher. The upside to this is that there are always plenty of skilled scientists who are out of work, and would love something to do.

And so, a great army of scientists was formed! They worked inefficiently and with great determination, refining such exotic techniques as Star Fighters ("Cool!" was the public response to this invention), and Enhanced Construction (best summed up as "Bigger stuff! Yeah!"). A great fleet was put together, to protect existing Polish resources in Space, and also to protect against future threats. After the construction was finished, the Polish Starfleet would consist of 10 Escorts, 5 Frigates, 3 Destroyers, 5 Exploration Ships, and 2 Construction Ships. Now, King Cid might be pretty smart, but he's no Admiral. He's also no Scientist. This means that matters involving scientific research, military R&D, and the day-to-day decision-making in the Military, were all delegated out to other people. The King's main responsibility was to set the goals, and focus the energies of the Polish people in the direction he wanted. That said, the King was always a bit of a dreamer.. commanding a battle fleet in some giant futuristic space battle would be pretty neat. But enough nonsense! At this time in Polish history, the existence of Aliens is pure speculation, although many Poles find the idea rather plausible.





It did not take long for the notions of Alien Life to be proven rather correct, however...

Stay Tuned..


(in reply to Gelatinous Cube)
Post #: 2
RE: The Ultimate Question? - 11/9/2011 7:34:34 AM   
Gelatinous Cube


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Joined: 10/26/2011
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Let me know what you guys think. I've got enough material for quite a few more chapters already, I'm just trying to think of a way to type it all up without taking too long. This is meant to be pretty short, and lighthearted, although I'd love to do something real in-depth after Legends comes out.

(in reply to Gelatinous Cube)
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RE: The Ultimate Question? - 11/9/2011 8:13:59 AM   
Data


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Joined: 1/3/2011
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Woohooo, me likes your idea.....staying tuned

_____________________________

...Igniting stellar cores....Recharging reactors...Recalibrating hyperdrives....

(in reply to Gelatinous Cube)
Post #: 4
RE: The Ultimate Question? - 11/9/2011 10:45:06 AM   
Bingeling

 

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Joined: 8/12/2010
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Nice start. You may want to make the passage of time a bit more compact than the intro, though.

(in reply to Data)
Post #: 5
RE: The Ultimate Question? - 11/9/2011 8:37:01 PM   
Gelatinous Cube


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/26/2011
Status: offline
So.. my rig died. But that's okay, because I just got a huge windfall, and consequently, a new rig. I have lost my save, but it was still early going. I shall persevere! And with the might of my new behemoth that boasts 8gigs of RAM, an i7 Quad-Core, and other such goodies, the Polish Empire shall rise again!

All we're waiting on is for Matrix Games to send me the links to re-download DW+RotS

(in reply to Bingeling)
Post #: 6
RE: The Ultimate Question? - 11/10/2011 7:13:26 AM   
Data


Posts: 3888
Joined: 1/3/2011
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Take your time and enjoy the new rig power that will help you grab....even more power

_____________________________

...Igniting stellar cores....Recharging reactors...Recalibrating hyperdrives....

(in reply to Gelatinous Cube)
Post #: 7
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