ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake
So, it was Stalker Girl's b-day 3 weeks back and she went down to SD for a "girl's night" I am pretty sure it was hanging out by the pool and complaining about me but I got over it. I didn't have a real present so I took her out to dinner when she got back and, as a special treat, I did a 1/2 Brazillian "manscape". What a guy, eh?
Anyway, we go out to this gentrified biker bar Friday night and it's a good band so everyone is drinking adult beverages, especially SG, so the higher cortical filters have all been deactivated. I offer to drive the 15 minutes to get home and I'm barely out of the parking lot and she asks (with her 25 year old on in the back set I might add)..
SG: Do you have a new girlfriend?
Well, I figure she might be talking about Pocahantas Gril's sister who also had too much firewater and was shaking her booty a bit too freely when she asked me to dance with her (I am quite certain it was the firewater). Still, better to play dumb. Little did I know the excess booty grinding had been solved with a chica to chica discussion in the parking lot. We were over that and were now going to address a problem that apparently had been festering for 3 weeks
FAM: What the Hell are you talking about?
SG: Who did you shave your ***** for?
FAM: <I try to give the universal facial and neck twitch sign that indicates "can we not talk about this now with your adult son in the back seat?"...I respond, lamely> Well, for you.
The other funny thing is Pocahantas Girl:
A) Accused me of calling the HOA on her because her Escalade had a flat tire (parked in her own driveway) It's funny as hell because the same thing happened to me when I had the Suburban and I was sure a neighbor had narc'ed on me. See, this is one of the many corrosive influences the HOA has on our neighborhood.
B) Admitted that she saturated my couch (oops, that was supposed to be a secret..pretend I didn't say anything). Patron is like truth serum to her.
I actually had to go onto the web to look up Brazilian Manscape (a clear indicator that I have way too much time on my hands) I am almost sixty and soooooo... glad that my generation did not invent this. Leave it to the younger men, I say. I just can't picture myself sitting on the can while trying to wax my junk.
I am the Holy Roman Emperor and am above grammar.
Sigismund of Luxemburg