From: Portsmouth, UK
A guide to ranks in the Royal Navy
Leaps tall buildings with a single bound,
Is more powerful than a locomotive,
Is faster than a speeding bullet,
Walks on water,
GIVES POLICY TO GOD.
Leaps short buildings with a single bound
Is more powerful than a shunting engine,
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet,
Walks on water if sea is calm,
TALKS WITH GOD
Leaps short buildings with a running start and a favourable wind,
Is almost as powerful as a shunting engine,
Is slower than a speeding bullet,
Walks on water in indoor swimming pools,
TALKS WITH GOD IF SPECIAL REQUEST CHIT IS PROVIDED.
Barely clears little huts,
loses tug of war with shunting engine,
Can fire a speeding bullet,
IS OCCASIONALLY ADDRESSED BY GOD.
Makes high marks when trying to leap buildings,
Is run over by shunting engines,
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury,
TALKS TO ANIMALS.
Runs into buildings,
Recognises shunting engines two out of three times,
Is not issued with ammunition,
Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the Mae West,
TALKS TO WALLS.
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings,
Says look at the Choo-Choo,
Not allowed elastic for his catapult,
MUMBLES TO HIMSELF.
CHIEF PETTY OFFICER
Lifts buildings and walks under them,
Kicks locomotives of their tracks,
catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them,
Freezes water with a single glance,
HE IS GOD....
"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.