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Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor of Addu Atoll too!

 
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Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor of Ad... - 1/7/2010 6:34:17 PM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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The lure of finding the Golden Ticket was too great so I bought a case of AE chocolate bars.

Sprior and I will be spending way to much free time contesting for the control of a bunch of 1's and 0's (with no real world consequence) vs. the Rocky Mountain Boys (Nomand and Adm. Nelson), who will doubtless likewise be neglecting their significant others and deferring personal hygeine time.

I will be commanding the American forces and Canada Command while Lord Admiral Sprior will be commanding Chinese, Commonwealth and Dutch forces as well as SWPAC.

We are not quite sure but I think the Emperor's boys will be doing an IJN/IJA thing.

Scenario 2
PDU on
No double down after splitting
Right field is closed
Winners outs
Yada, yada, yada

Sit down and buckle up!

Japanese counterthread, Imperials Sons-- There is no Diego Garcia Here at

http://www.matrixgames.com/forums/tm.asp?m=2374536

< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 2/13/2010 10:15:12 PM >


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RE: Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor o... - 1/7/2010 6:42:28 PM   
Cuttlefish

 

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Cap takes the AE plunge! I'm looking forward to reading this one.



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RE: Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor o... - 1/7/2010 7:13:10 PM   
Canoerebel


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Yeah, Cap is back at it!  This is a good day for those who enjoy well-written, informative, and humorous AARs!

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RE: Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor o... - 1/7/2010 7:33:58 PM   
ny59giants


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Caution - Do NOT read this AAR with liquids in your mouth!! 

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Opana Point - 1/7/2010 8:22:37 PM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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*****Opana Pt. Radar Station, Oahu, 07:04, Dec. 7, 1941******

Pvt. Lockard: Come on Elliot! Quit ****ing around. Turn that thing off. It's after 7. Let's get some damn food.

Pvt. Elliot: <hunched over the oscilliscope> No, wait, look at this.

Pvt. Lockard: <returns to oscilliscope> Holy Crap! That is the biggest return I have ever seen. Get over there and plot it. <the other man returns to his plotting station> RANGE 132 miles.....BEARING.....<turns a handle>.....THREE ONE ZERO.

Pvt. Elliot: Range 132, bearing 310, roger. I am calling it in. <hand cranks the administrative telephone> Information Center this is Opana, get me the Pursuit Officer.

Voice over phone: That's Lt. Tyler. He's in the crapper.

Pvt. Elliot: Well GET him!

Voice over phone: Oh, all right. hang on.

Pvt. Lockard: Range 130, bearing three one two!

Pvt. Elliot: Roger that, Range 130, bearing 312.

New voice over phone: <annoyed>This is Tyler, what do you want?

Pvt. Elliot: Lt., this is Elliot, sir at Opana. We have a large radar contact.

Lt. Tyler: What are you guys still operating for? Shut it down.

Pvt. Elliot: But sir, what about the contact?

Lt. Tyler: Are you idiots picking up the radio station antenna again?

Pvt. Elliot: No sir, wrong azimuth.

Lt. Tyler: Well, probably marsh gas or something.

Pvt. Elliot: The contact is 130 miles out over the Pacific, sir.

Lt. Tyler: Then perhaps the mail plane from Midway.

Pvt. Elliot: Too big, sir. Lockard says it is the biggest return he has ever seen.

Lt. Tyler: Hell, migratory birds then.

Pvt. Elliot: Sir, we are tracking the target at...<makes a quick calculation> 3 miles a minute sir.

Lt. Tyler: Alright damnit. It's probably the 17's coming in from the mainland.

Pvt. Elliot: Sir, it's the wrong heading for that. they are inbound from the NW, sir.

Lt. Tyler: Damnit, Elliot. Are you slow on the uptake?

Pvt. Elliot: Sir? The target is unidentified and head for Oahu, shouldn't we notify someone?

Lt. Tyler: Listen, you guys didn't see anything. You were supposed to turn off the damn set. It won't do any good to notify anyone. It's the House Rules, damnit! We can't change any air or naval orders on turn 1 at Pearl. This comes from the top.

Pvt. Elliot: The Colonel, you mean sir?

Lt. Tyler: Nope.

Pvt. Elliot: General Short?

Lt. Tyler: Nope.

Pvt. Elliot: You mean General Marsahall?!!!!?

Lt. Tyler: No, above him.

Pvt. Elliot: Holy crap, sir!

Lt. Tyler: Exactly, private! Holy Crap! Now turn off the damn set and get back to Shafter and have your God damned powdered eggs and keep your damn mouths shut. Is that clear?

Pvt. Elliot: Yes sir.

Lt. Tyler: Thank you...and Elliot?

Pvt. Elliot: Yes sir?

Lt. Tyler: If this comes to an inquiry, Elliot, we are sticking with the 17's theory, got it?


< Message edited by Cap Mandrake -- 1/7/2010 8:24:01 PM >

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RE: Bring me the head of Diego Garcia...and the Mayor o... - 1/7/2010 9:16:09 PM   
fabertong


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I never had a chance to shine
Never a happy song to sing
But suddenly half the world is mine
What an amazing thing

'Cause I've got a golden ticket

...........Go Mr. Cap. Mandrake

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RE: Opana Point - 1/7/2010 9:20:41 PM   
Mynok


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

Pvt. Elliot: You mean General Marsahall?!!!!?

Lt. Tyler: No, above him.

Pvt. Elliot: Holy crap, sir!


First time I've heard Grigsby called that.....

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RE: Opana Point - 1/7/2010 9:37:38 PM   
Chickenboy


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Whether you spell it POE or EOP, I'm really looking forward to your original take on the war, Cap'n.

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RE: Opana Point - 1/7/2010 9:42:03 PM   
aprezto


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At last, I get to read one of these from the beginning

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Image courtesy of Divepac

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RE: Opana Point - 1/7/2010 10:32:32 PM   
sprior


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Oh bugger, what have I let myself in for?

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"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.



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RE: Opana Point - 1/7/2010 10:34:16 PM   
sprior


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China is still somewhat of a mystery to me from the allied side so I guess we'll just make it up as we go along.

New Guinea and New Britain will stay SWPAC and the Solomns and Noumea SOUTHPAC. Later we can adjust that line as necessary.

I'm not going to reinforce Malaya/Singapore or Burma. I'll not garrison Rangoon strongly but it's a bit of a death trap so will defend Burma along the Mandalay railway.

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"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.



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RE: Opana Point - 1/7/2010 10:48:04 PM   
Mynok


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So this is where you're charging about with all the king's horses and all the king's men?

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RE: Opana Point - 1/7/2010 10:51:04 PM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sprior

Oh bugger, what have I let myself in for?



"Don't go wobbly on us, Sprior." (Attributed to Famous English Chick)




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RE: Opana Point - 1/7/2010 10:58:14 PM   
sprior


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mynok


So this is where you're charging about with all the king's horses and all the king's men?


More like Andy Pandy and the Brigade of Rabbits






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"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.



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RE: Opana Point - 1/7/2010 11:13:07 PM   
witpqs

 

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Good name for the AAR!

"A beginning is a very delicate time."

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Work Rerated Injuy - 1/9/2010 6:54:55 PM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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From "Aboard the Blue Dragon", Ens. I. Yamaguchi, Kyoto Press, 1952.

"...during the voyage before the attack on the American base at Oahu, there were a series of back injuries among aircraft armorers during practice drills. Consequently, the ship's surgeon, Commander Hata, ordered that no bombs over 64kg in weight be loaded during drills. Tragically, this order was mistaken by the Chief Arming Officer, whose name I can no longer recall, to include preparations for the Dec 7th attack as well. After Dec. 7, none ever saw the Chief Surgeon or the Chief Arming Officer again....."

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63.5 kg of molten death - 1/9/2010 6:57:44 PM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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A Val from Soryu dives on USS Oklahoma, Dec 7, 1941




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Commander Hata's bad career move - 1/9/2010 7:19:23 PM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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In the Dec. 7 attack on Pearl, there were only 7 torpedo hits (5 on BB's and 1 each on two DD's). Failing a second attack, no BB's will sink. Two DD's were sunk and were the only sinkings. No BB's are burning but all are moderately to severely damaged. Japanese aircraft losses were very light (<2% of the raid).

The airfield is wrecked and it is going to take a couple of Bob Hope and Betty Grable visits to get their morale up. I will send some flyable aircraft to outlying fields and may send some undamaged combatants out to sea in case their is an attack on the 8th.

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RE: Commander Hata's bad career move - 1/9/2010 8:43:36 PM   
sprior


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very little enemy movement observed in the ABDA area, 2 small units land in Malaya but just sit on the beach stealing all the deck chairs.

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"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.



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RE: Commander Hata's bad career move - 1/9/2010 8:46:49 PM   
sprior


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Business as usual at Raffles.




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"Grown ups are what's left when skool is finished."
"History started badly and hav been geting steadily worse."
- Nigel Molesworth.



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RE: Commander Hata's bad career move - 1/10/2010 3:38:12 AM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sprior

very little enemy movement observed in the ABDA area, 2 small units land in Malaya but just sit on the beach stealing all the deck chairs.


Bloody Asiatics! No sense of decorum. That's what I say.

Inscrutable too.

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RE: Commander Hata's bad career move - 1/10/2010 3:40:42 AM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sprior

Business as usual at Raffles.





Easy now. Can't you chaps at least keep the Bombay Sapphire in the dining room? You will offend the locals and we will need more garrison units at Singers.

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War jitters - 1/10/2010 8:24:26 AM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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*****Pacific Fleet signals station, Hawaii, 04:20, Dec 8, 1941******


<broadcast in the clear on shortwave against policy>


"Th.th.th.this is Wi.i.i.lson co.coc.coast watcher on Starbucks Island. Ca.a.a.an you s.s.s.end some slee.ee.eeping pills....."

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RE: War jitters - 1/10/2010 8:30:00 AM   
Alfred

 

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

*****Pacific Fleet signals station, Hawaii, 04:20, Dec 8, 1941******


<broadcast in the clear on shortwave against policy>


"Th.th.th.this is Wi.i.i.lson co.coc.coast watcher on Starbucks Island. Ca.a.a.an you s.s.s.end some slee.ee.eeping pills....."


Wouldn't he get a faster response (and better after sales service) if he asked M & M Enterprises directly?

Alfred

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RE: War jitters - 1/11/2010 3:36:32 PM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alfred


Wouldn't he get a faster response (and better after sales service) if he asked M & M Enterprises directly?

Alfred


I think it is fair to say whoever either volunteered or was assigned coastwatcher duty for Starbuck Island (free espresso aside) may not be the sharpest tool in the shed.

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RE: War Plan Orange - 1/11/2010 3:49:26 PM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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******Clark Field, Luzon, 13:50, Dec 7, 1941******


War Plan Orange Compliance Officer: Major, it says right here on page 12..<looks at WPO document>.."..USAFFE shall destroy or render unserviceable the enemy airfields on Formosa via the application of offensive air power."


Maj. Landry, CO, 30th BS(H):
With two Goddmaned serviceable aircraft? Decorum prevents me from saying what you should properly do with War Plan Orange. Now, if you will excuse me, we are bugging out to Darwin.

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Le ugly - 1/11/2010 8:40:13 PM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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*******AA position aboard Ushio, steaming west past Kure Atoll, 40 m W of Midway, 09;20, Dec 8, 1941*******


The crew are in good spirits after a bombardment of Midway with a second destroyer on the 7th. This was of little military significance but the impact on morale can scarcely be understated. Suddenly, there is a cry from amidships, "Unidentified aircraft dead astern!" The crew of the 25 mm mount immediately train their gun aft. Indeed, the form of 3 very ungainly aircraft can be seen. They seem to be headed for Ushio.

1st gunner: Should we shoot?

2nd gunner: No, they are too ugly to be American planes. The Americans would never build such a thing. Dutch perhaps?

1st gunner: Dutch? We are thousands of miles froom the nearest Dutch territory. French?

2nd gunner: What would French aircraft be doing on Midway? They MUST be from Midway. They are too big for a carrier. Besides, I think they are perhaps too attractive for a French design.

1st gunner: Perhaps a commercial aircraft, then?

AA fire control officer: Open fire you idiots! Shoot!


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RE: Le ugly - 1/12/2010 12:44:27 AM   
BrucePowers


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Ooh Capt Mandrake narrates the Allied and IJ sides

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RE: Le ugly - 1/12/2010 1:41:15 AM   
Cap Mandrake

 

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Well...truth be told...at this stage of the war..Allied decryption efforts are insufficient to allow the recovery of conversations between the crewmen of 25mm AA guns on Jap destroyers at sea.

So I just made it up.

But, the more interesting question is...what were they not shooting at?

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RE: War jitters - 1/12/2010 1:49:04 AM   
Onime No Kyo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cap Mandrake

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alfred


Wouldn't he get a faster response (and better after sales service) if he asked M & M Enterprises directly?

Alfred


I think it is fair to say whoever either volunteered or was assigned coastwatcher duty for Starbuck Island (free espresso aside) may not be the sharpest tool in the shed.


But certainly energetic.

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