What happens if you don't play MATRIX games..

[Hertston]

Angry German kid

[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]


(warning - includes a little bad language)

[Terminus]

Ouch![:D]

[shunwick]

I liked the bit in the middle when he screams "I don't want help and support!"

Best wishes,

[Terminus]

ORIGINAL: shunwick

I liked the bit in the middle when he screams "I don't want help and support!"

He may not know what that means, but he damn sure knows that he doesn't want any...[:D]

[shunwick]

I must admit to having some sympathy with his position. The following is a transcript of conversations I am currently having with BT over the fact that my phone is dead:-

I would like to report that my phone is dead. I still have an internet connection via BT Broadband but the phone is completely dead.

Repair has been completed. Repair status closed.

But my phone is still dead. I am submitting another repair notice.

Repair has been completed. Repair status closed.

Something is wrong with my phone. I have tried alternative phones and none work. My phone is dead. It doesn't ring when anyone phones me and if I lift the receiver to dial out, I don't get the dial tone. The phone is dead. I need an engineer to call. I am submitting another repair notice.

We are sorry this has taken so long but the fault has now been corrected. Repair status closed.

The fault cannot have been rectified because my phone is still dead. It's pushing up the daisies. I am submitting another repair notice.

Repair has been completed. If you still need an engineer to call please attach a message to this notice.

My phone is still dead. I certainly need an engineer to call. I am submitting another repair notice.

We tried to phone you but received no reply. If the fault has not been fixed and you still require an engineer to visit please me know.

You received no reply to your phone call because my phone is dead. Yes, I need an engineer to visit.

****

This is now day four and the conversation is ongoing.

Best wishes,

[Terminus]

Sort of like John Cleese trying to get Michael Palin to accept that the Norwegian Blue is, in fact, an ex-parrot...[:D][:D]

[shunwick]

Like all good comedy - based on real life. Watching that video reminded me of John Cleese beating the crap out of his car in an episode from Fawlty Towers.

Best wishes,

[Terminus]

Not to mention berating it verbally...[:D]

[shunwick]

I thought you weren't going to mention that.

Best wishes,

[Fredk]

As long as we are posting hilarious but old youtubes...

An interesting take on MS Flight Simulator X: http://youtube.com/watch?v=tcW3hbnR2EI

This one is a bit boring, but has a single moment of brilliance that makes it worthwhile: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkCNJRfSZBU - on a side note, geez, and people say wargamers are nerds [8|].

Quick edit to say the 1st one has a lot of profanity in it.

[Brigz]

What's so unusual about this? I thought this is how all FPS games are played.[:D]

[m10bob]

This is what happens when parents, early on, fail to open the occasional can of whuppass.......BTW...I don't think this kid is a good judge of whether he needs "help" or not.......

[Zap]

I just hope when he grows up he won't be the leader of Germany.[;)] He may not like to use diplomacy as a possible tool.

[Charles2222]

ORIGINAL: Fredk

As long as we are posting hilarious but old youtubes...

An interesting take on MS Flight Simulator X: http://youtube.com/watch?v=tcW3hbnR2EI

This one is a bit boring, but has a single moment of brilliance that makes it worthwhile: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkCNJRfSZBU - on a side note, geez, and people say wargamers are nerds [8|].

Quick edit to say the 1st one has a lot of profanity in it.

What was really stupid was the "number crunching" 32.333 repeating. Wow, I wonder how much said percentage drops if somebody is eating a sandwich as they play? I guess Leroy dropped that to 1.333 (at least I ain't chicken). Actually the second vid is none too clear of profanity itself.

[Twotribes]

Leroy Jenkins is a LEGEND in those games, everyone knows about him LOL

[shunwick]

The story so far...

I must admit to having some sympathy with his position. The following is a transcript of conversations I am currently having with BT over the fact that my phone is dead:-

I would like to report that my phone is dead. I still have an internet connection via BT Broadband but the phone is completely dead.

Repair has been completed. Repair status closed.

But my phone is still dead. I am submitting another repair notice.

Repair has been completed. Repair status closed.

Something is wrong with my phone. I have tried alternative phones and none work. My phone is dead. It doesn't ring when anyone phones me and if I lift the receiver to dial out, I don't get the dial tone. The phone is dead. I need an engineer to call. I am submitting another repair notice.

We are sorry this has taken so long but the fault has now been corrected. Repair status closed.

The fault cannot have been rectified because my phone is still dead. It's pushing up the daisies. I am submitting another repair notice.

Repair has been completed. If you still need an engineer to call please attach a message to this notice.

My phone is still dead. I certainly need an engineer to call. I am submitting another repair notice.

We tried to phone you but received no reply. If the fault has not been fixed and you still require an engineer to visit please me know.

You received no reply to your phone call because my phone is dead. Yes, I need an engineer to visit.

****

This is now day four and the conversation is ongoing.

*** Update 2-4-07

Repair has been completed. Repair status closed.

*** So I figure that I need to speak to a human being (not always an improvement). This meant phoning BT's repair line from my neighbour's house. Telephone conversation goes like this:-

First there is a two minute period while I push buttons to get through the automated process.

BT repair line. My name is Sarah, how can I help?

My phone is dead.

Can you confirm your telephone number?

I give Sarah my telephone number, my name, the first line of my address and my postcode.

And what is the problem?

My phone is dead. I still have a BT broadband connection but the phone is completely dead. I have tried another phone is the result is the same.

We show that the problem has been repaired.

I know. But it hasn't been repaired because my phone is still dead.

Have you checked the phone's connection?

Yes. Everything looks ok to me.

Have you tried connecting the phone to the test socket?

What test socket?

Unscrew the two screws on the front of the socket and remove the faceplate. Inside you will find a test socket. Plug the phone in there.

What will that do?

It will tell you if your phone is dead.

My phone is dead.

Yes, but you need to try the test socket.

Ok. I will try that but I will be phoning again in ten minutes because I guarantee you that my phone is dead.

*** So, back to my house, I do the unscrewing and the plugging of test socket thing. Two different phones. The phone is dead. Back to my neighbour's house. On the phone to BT's fault line:-

First there is a two minute period while I push buttons to get through the automated process.

BT repair line. My name is Andrew, how can I help?

My phone is dead.

Can you confirm your telephone number?

I give Andrew my telephone number, my name, the first line of my address and my postcode.

And what is the problem?

My phone is dead. I still have a BT broadband connection but the phone is completely dead. I have tried another phone is the result is the same.

We show that the problem has been repaired.

I know. But it hasn't been repaired because my phone is still dead.

Have you checked the phone's connection?

Yes. I have unscrew the faceplate from the socket, and plugged two different phones into the test socket.

And how did that go?

My phone is dead.

We show that there is an operator's equipment fault.

What's that?

It means that the problem is in your house.

I know that. My phone is dead.

Have you been told that there is a £160 call out charge for an engineer and another £80 charge if he has to do some work if the problem is with your equipment? (That's roughly $300 and $160 for my American readers)

It not a problem with my phones. I can understand if 1 phone blows up but two seperate telephones do not go wrong at the same time.

Do you understand that there may be a charge for the repair?

Yes.

I will book an engineer to ... oh.

What do mean oh?

Sorry, my keyboard has stopped working.

Perhaps it's an operator's equipment fault?

Sorry about this. ***long pause***

Hello? Are you still there?

It's ok now. I'll just put in the details to request an engin.... oh.

What do mean oh?

My computer has crashed.

Oh.

Hang on. I'll get a bit of paper. ***long pause***

And a pen.

Yeah.

***sounds of rumaging***

Ok. Your phone number is *****x*****.

No. My phone number is ***********.

That's what I said.

No you didn't. ***********.

Yes, ***** - oh. So it's ***********?

Yes.

Ok. I can't book an engineer now because my computer is broken.

Ok.

So, i'll call you back in 15 minutes.

Ok. But you will need to call me back on ***********.

That's not the number you have just given me.

No, that's my neighbour's phone number. That is where I am calling from because my phone is dead.

Oh, right. Ok so I'll call you back on ***********.

Ok.

***wait for 35 minutes. Neighbour makes me a nice cup of tea (and bikkies[:)]).***

***phone rings***

Hello.

Is that Mr Hunwick?

It is I.

Sorry?

Yes. It is me.

Ok, I've booked an engineer to visit on Wednesday.

Brilliant. Thankyou very much.

Would you like him to call in the morning or the afternoon?

Not bothered. I shall be in all day. He can call when he likes.

Yes but I need to know if you would prefer morning or afternoon?

Morning.

That's Wednesday morning sometime between 0800 and 1300.

1300 is not morning.

Sorry?

Wednesday sometime between 0800 and 1300 would be perfect.

If the engineer can't make it and he needs to change the appointement then he will phone you to let you know.

I would prefer it if you don't call my neighbour. You can always send me an email because my interenet connection is still working.

No. We can't send emails.

Excuse me?

We can't send an email if you have no phone.

Fine. Phone my neighbour if you need to change the appointment.

ok. Thankyou for using BT.

Yeah, right.

****

Watch this space...

Best wishes,

[Kuokkanen]

ORIGINAL: Dave Briggs

What's so unusual about this? I thought this is how all RTS games are played.[:D]

Unreal Tournament is FPS game [:-]

[Brigz]

ORIGINAL: Matti Kuokkanen

ORIGINAL: Dave Briggs

What's so unusual about this? I thought this is how all RTS games are played.[:D]

Unreal Tournament is FPS game [:-]

Whoops! My bad. I did mean to say FPS and not RTS. That's what I get for trying to be a smart-a s s.

[a white rabbit]

ORIGINAL: shunwick

The story so far...

I must admit to having some sympathy with his position. The following is a transcript of conversations I am currently having with BT over the fact that my phone is dead:-

I would like to report that my phone is dead. I still have an internet connection via BT Broadband but the phone is completely dead.

Repair has been completed. Repair status closed.

But my phone is still dead. I am submitting another repair notice.

Repair has been completed. Repair status closed.

Something is wrong with my phone. I have tried alternative phones and none work. My phone is dead. It doesn't ring when anyone phones me and if I lift the receiver to dial out, I don't get the dial tone. The phone is dead. I need an engineer to call. I am submitting another repair notice.

We are sorry this has taken so long but the fault has now been corrected. Repair status closed.

The fault cannot have been rectified because my phone is still dead. It's pushing up the daisies. I am submitting another repair notice.

Repair has been completed. If you still need an engineer to call please attach a message to this notice.

My phone is still dead. I certainly need an engineer to call. I am submitting another repair notice.

We tried to phone you but received no reply. If the fault has not been fixed and you still require an engineer to visit please me know.

You received no reply to your phone call because my phone is dead. Yes, I need an engineer to visit.

****

This is now day four and the conversation is ongoing.

*** Update 2-4-07

Repair has been completed. Repair status closed.

*** So I figure that I need to speak to a human being (not always an improvement). This meant phoning BT's repair line from my neighbour's house. Telephone conversation goes like this:-

First there is a two minute period while I push buttons to get through the automated process.

BT repair line. My name is Sarah, how can I help?

My phone is dead.

Can you confirm your telephone number?

I give Sarah my telephone number, my name, the first line of my address and my postcode.

And what is the problem?

My phone is dead. I still have a BT broadband connection but the phone is completely dead. I have tried another phone is the result is the same.

We show that the problem has been repaired.

I know. But it hasn't been repaired because my phone is still dead.

Have you checked the phone's connection?

Yes. Everything looks ok to me.

Have you tried connecting the phone to the test socket?

What test socket?

Unscrew the two screws on the front of the socket and remove the faceplate. Inside you will find a test socket. Plug the phone in there.

What will that do?

It will tell you if your phone is dead.

My phone is dead.

Yes, but you need to try the test socket.

Ok. I will try that but I will be phoning again in ten minutes because I guarantee you that my phone is dead.

*** So, back to my house, I do the unscrewing and the plugging of test socket thing. Two different phones. The phone is dead. Back to my neighbour's house. On the phone to BT's fault line:-

First there is a two minute period while I push buttons to get through the automated process.

BT repair line. My name is Andrew, how can I help?

My phone is dead.

Can you confirm your telephone number?

I give Andrew my telephone number, my name, the first line of my address and my postcode.

And what is the problem?

My phone is dead. I still have a BT broadband connection but the phone is completely dead. I have tried another phone is the result is the same.

We show that the problem has been repaired.

I know. But it hasn't been repaired because my phone is still dead.

Have you checked the phone's connection?

Yes. I have unscrew the faceplate from the socket, and plugged two different phones into the test socket.

And how did that go?

My phone is dead.

We show that there is an operator's equipment fault.

What's that?

It means that the problem is in your house.

I know that. My phone is dead.

Have you been told that there is a £160 call out charge for an engineer and another £80 charge if he has to do some work if the problem is with your equipment? (That's roughly $300 and $160 for my American readers)

It not a problem with my phones. I can understand if 1 phone blows up but two seperate telephones do not go wrong at the same time.

Do you understand that there may be a charge for the repair?

Yes.

I will book an engineer to ... oh.

What do mean oh?

Sorry, my keyboard has stopped working.

Perhaps it's an operator's equipment fault?

Sorry about this. ***long pause***

Hello? Are you still there?

It's ok now. I'll just put in the details to request an engin.... oh.

What do mean oh?

My computer has crashed.

Oh.

Hang on. I'll get a bit of paper. ***long pause***

And a pen.

Yeah.

***sounds of rumaging***

Ok. Your phone number is *****x*****.

No. My phone number is ***********.

That's what I said.

No you didn't. ***********.

Yes, ***** - oh. So it's ***********?

Yes.

Ok. I can't book an engineer now because my computer is broken.

Ok.

So, i'll call you back in 15 minutes.

Ok. But you will need to call me back on ***********.

That's not the number you have just given me.

No, that's my neighbour's phone number. That is where I am calling from because my phone is dead.

Oh, right. Ok so I'll call you back on ***********.

Ok.

***wait for 35 minutes. Neighbour makes me a nice cup of tea (and bikkies[:)]).***

***phone rings***

Hello.

Is that Mr Hunwick?

It is I.

Sorry?

Yes. It is me.

Ok, I've booked an engineer to visit on Wednesday.

Brilliant. Thankyou very much.

Would you like him to call in the morning or the afternoon?

Not bothered. I shall be in all day. He can call when he likes.

Yes but I need to know if you would prefer morning or afternoon?

Morning.

That's Wednesday morning sometime between 0800 and 1300.

1300 is not morning.

Sorry?

Wednesday sometime between 0800 and 1300 would be perfect.

If the engineer can't make it and he needs to change the appointement then he will phone you to let you know.

I would prefer it if you don't call my neighbour. You can always send me an email because my interenet connection is still working.

No. We can't send emails.

Excuse me?

We can't send an email if you have no phone.

Fine. Phone my neighbour if you need to change the appointment.

ok. Thankyou for using BT.

Yeah, right.

****

Watch this space...

Best wishes,

..ye'know, makes me realise how good Smart.ph are..now if they'd just repair the tower, once and for all..