Is there any wonder why we don't have many women gamers here...[8|]ORIGINAL: elmo3
Why are women like dog turds?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
Moderator: maddog986
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
Please come and join and befriend me at the great Steam portal! There are quite a few Matrix/Slitherine players on Steam! My member page: http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561197988402427
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
When you need to be admitted to the hospital, don't worry... until you discover that the doctors are giving your name to your aliment.
"Yes darling, I served in the Navy for eight years. I was a cook..."
"Oh dad... so you were a God-damned cook?"
(My 10 years old daughter after watching "The Hunt for Red October")
"Oh dad... so you were a God-damned cook?"
(My 10 years old daughter after watching "The Hunt for Red October")
- CaptBeefheart
- Posts: 2521
- Joined: Fri Jul 04, 2003 2:42 am
- Location: Seoul, Korea
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
As a business traveler is checking in at a five-star hotel he tells the gal at the counter: "I'd like the porn in my room disabled."
She responds: "We only have normal porn, you sick bastard."
Cheers,
CC
She responds: "We only have normal porn, you sick bastard."
Cheers,
CC
Beer, because barley makes lousy bread.
- MrsWargamer
- Posts: 1653
- Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2014 4:04 pm
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
ORIGINAL: wings7
Is there any wonder why we don't have many women gamers here...[8|]ORIGINAL: elmo3
Why are women like dog turds?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Well I'm here but you have a good point
Wargame, 05% of the time.
Play with Barbies 05% of the time.
Play with Legos 10% of the time.
Build models 20% of the time
Shopping 60% of the time.
Exlains why I buy em more than I play em.
Play with Barbies 05% of the time.
Play with Legos 10% of the time.
Build models 20% of the time
Shopping 60% of the time.
Exlains why I buy em more than I play em.
- Curtis Lemay
- Posts: 13870
- Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2004 3:12 pm
- Location: Houston, TX
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
There was this sensational blonde who had just gotten into the shower and was all wet and soapy, when the doorbell rings. (Isn't that typical). So she gets out of the shower and is toweling herself off and yells out at the door "Who is it?"
The voice on the other side says "It's the Blind Man."
She thinks to herself "Why, if he's blind, I don't need to get dressed. I can go just the way I am." So she swings the door open in her birthday suit. There, in the doorway, is a man - with his eyes WIDE open - and holding an oblong box.
She says "YOU CAN SEE!"
"Yes I can." he replies. "Now where do you want me to put these BLINDS?"
The voice on the other side says "It's the Blind Man."
She thinks to herself "Why, if he's blind, I don't need to get dressed. I can go just the way I am." So she swings the door open in her birthday suit. There, in the doorway, is a man - with his eyes WIDE open - and holding an oblong box.
She says "YOU CAN SEE!"
"Yes I can." he replies. "Now where do you want me to put these BLINDS?"
- Chickenboy
- Posts: 24520
- Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2002 11:30 pm
- Location: San Antonio, TX
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
ORIGINAL: LarryP
I prefer puns. Good ones!
Guy goes to see his dentist. He complains about his false teeth ("plate") hurting him lately. So the dentist has him lay back while he takes a look. After a quick examination, the Dentist pulls away and offers his findings.
"Yes. I can see why this is bothering you. The plate is badly pitted and etched."
"Why?", asks the man.
"Well, what are you eating? What in your diet may be causing such damage to your false plate?", replies the dentist.
The man thinks for a second. "I suppose that it may be the eggs benedict. I have them every morning. I love them. Hey doc-do you think that the lemon juice in the hollandaise may have something to do with it?"
The dentist nods sagely. "We'll have to replace your plate with one made of chrome."
"Chrome? Why chrome?"
"Well", finishes the dentist, "Everybody knows that there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
And with that ^ the thread ended.
Do you know where a dog goes when it loses its tail?
A retail store.
Do you know where a dog goes when it loses its tail?
A retail store.
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
- Yogi the Great
- Posts: 1949
- Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2007 1:28 pm
- Location: Wisconsin
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
Head for the roundhouse, they can't corner you there.
Hooked Since AH Gettysburg
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
ORIGINAL: Zorch
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I like that, simple and funny. [;)]
- Chickenboy
- Posts: 24520
- Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2002 11:30 pm
- Location: San Antonio, TX
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
ORIGINAL: bobarossa
And with that ^ the thread ended.
Comedy gold, man. Comedy gold. My second favorite all time pun.
If a pun isn't capable of causing immediate gastrointestinal pain and a sigh with "Oh man was that awful!...", then it's not a good pun. Puns should be like burritos that taste good (the set up) but you know-you just KNOW that you're going to pay for it somehow someway as the burrito "progresses" down your gullet (punch line). Anything less is just cheap word alliteration.
Now be nice and tell me how funny it is or I'll tell you my first all time favorite pun. [:D]
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
Now Maitland, now's your time!
Duke of Wellington to 1st Guards Brigade - Waterloo 18 June 1815
Duke of Wellington to 1st Guards Brigade - Waterloo 18 June 1815
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
"People who like trance music are very persistent. They don't techno for an answer."
Now Maitland, now's your time!
Duke of Wellington to 1st Guards Brigade - Waterloo 18 June 1815
Duke of Wellington to 1st Guards Brigade - Waterloo 18 June 1815
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
"Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."
Now Maitland, now's your time!
Duke of Wellington to 1st Guards Brigade - Waterloo 18 June 1815
Duke of Wellington to 1st Guards Brigade - Waterloo 18 June 1815
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
ORIGINAL: Chickenboy
ORIGINAL: bobarossa
And with that ^ the thread ended.
Comedy gold, man. Comedy gold. My second favorite all time pun.
If a pun isn't capable of causing immediate gastrointestinal pain and a sigh with "Oh man was that awful!...", then it's not a good pun. Puns should be like burritos that taste good (the set up) but you know-you just KNOW that you're going to pay for it somehow someway as the burrito "progresses" down your gullet (punch line). Anything less is just cheap word alliteration.
Now be nice and tell me how funny it is or I'll tell you my first all time favorite pun. [:D]
Laugh. Or I'll tell it again.
Watched a documentary on beavers. Best dam documentary I've ever seen.
- durangokid
- Posts: 146
- Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2015 2:35 pm
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
SIMPLE TRUTHS
SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congrats"
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".
Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."
SIX RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in an Aston Martin than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
6. Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband.
SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congrats"
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".
Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."
SIX RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in an Aston Martin than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
6. Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband.
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
I was walking home late last night and the woman in front of me started walking faster.... so I started walking faster.
Then she started running... so I started running...then she started screaming so I started screaming. I'm not sure what we were running from but I was terrified.
After seeing a car on the news driving the wrong way on the highway a man calls his wife to warn her ' honey please be careful there's a maniac driving the wrong way on the highway'... she responds 'are you kidding there's hundreds of them'.
Then she started running... so I started running...then she started screaming so I started screaming. I'm not sure what we were running from but I was terrified.
After seeing a car on the news driving the wrong way on the highway a man calls his wife to warn her ' honey please be careful there's a maniac driving the wrong way on the highway'... she responds 'are you kidding there's hundreds of them'.
Avatar: Me borrowing Albert Ball's Nieuport 17
Counter from Bloody April by Terry Simo (GMT)
Counter from Bloody April by Terry Simo (GMT)
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
[:D]
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My shrink says I have anger management and conflict resolution issues....and I'LL FIGHT ANYBODY THAT DISAGREES!
RE: Dont be too serious. Lets Joke Around
Horse goes into the bar..., Bartender says, "hey, why the long face?"