funniesfrom my honey

[freeboy]

my wife has a great sense of humor andsent me this,..
lmao
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up!"

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka KS Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant, and her contraction s are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (Hellooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield CA, some folks new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat going. I t was very sluggish in almost every maneuver no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

(NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.) Under the boat, still strapped securely in place ... was the trailer!

[warspite1]

ORIGINAL: freeboy

my wife has a great sense of humor andsent me this,..
lmao
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up!"

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka KS Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant, and her contraction s are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (Hellooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield CA, some folks new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat going. I t was very sluggish in almost every maneuver no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

(NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.) Under the boat, still strapped securely in place ... was the trailer!

warspite1

[:)]

[freeboy]

I think number two had me going best...
the last one to funny... see guys with trailers in the water EVERY YEAR
My worst was forgettignthe drain plug and wondering why my boat was bilging so much water.. oops.. got in in fine then the hitch brock...
it was not my worst boating nightmare... lets see, I tried to sink a littttle boat in a few feat of water, jumped out to save the boat, little boat, and another time rolled a canoe that time I had a vest and the guy with me did too, and a wistle... I never do either now..
Oh, almost forgot, didnt tie down boat on beach and it drifted off, had to get a lift from the park ranger... TWICE..
some things you think you would remember....

OUCH
Lets see.... well, there are always the crazy fish stories..
next time

[Josh]

[:D] [:)] [:D] [:)] 
 
Especially numbers 2 and 8... [&o]

[Orm]

[:D][:D][:D]

Thank you for sharing. [:)]